Our Gummy Bear- 1 day old

I went in to talk to a dr on base about ttc. I wanted to make sure that I was all go and talk about a VBAC.
She stated that they did indeed do VBACs on base and started talking about how if I went over 41 weeks I had to have a scheduled c-section.
 
I then said:
                               "What if I wait past then and don't come in?" 

She didn't respond.

A few moments later she told me that the doctors would feel much more comfortable if I had an epi. I proceeded to tell her that both the epi and the pitocin that they gave me last time both had negative effects on me and Jeremiah. And that I had gotten to 6cm without anything but the pitocin and I wanted to try again because it was my body and that's how I wanted to have my next child.

Once again... no comment other than asking how large Jeremiah was.

When I told her he was 10lbs 8oz 21in long I was proud! Telling her that I had gained close to 100lbs because of the stress of my husband being away, work, and many other factors. But that I wanted this next pregnancy to be different; weight control, I most likely won't be working, I know what the basics

She looked at me like I was crazy because I was insisting on going natural.
 
Then said.
"Well you make big babies... that means you will most likely need a c-section again because you only make big babies. You can try to push but I recommend you getting an epi so just in-case baby is too big we don't have to put you under. You know you can die from that right? I wouldn't want my child to motherless from the start."

Yeah I almost killed her! UGH!!!!

Mind you I have called a few midwifes and called my midwife/ob at the base I delivered at, and have gotten much info on this from many other sources. I feel very well informed. I have researched so much, the pros the cons, should I even try again?? All because he was 'too big'(actually they didn't let me dilate all the way... go dr!!!)

I know I'm not a dr. But in reality, women who have gone through a c-section have lost a battle. They are more likely to become depressed(like I did), have problems bonding with the newborn(I actually had problems 'believing' he was mine), have problems breast feeding if they choose to(I was in so much pain that it felt almost impossible to bf), have infections from unsanitary c-section(Oh look I had this too!), and so many more!!! Drs are made to do surgeries... hospital setting... etc.

I know I can do this. I know that everything was delayed because of the pitocin. Yes he was big. But I would have felt so much better if I went into labor on my own, to go all the way natural and try and push fully dilated. I'm not letting this happen again unless it is truly medically necessary.

Those who haven't gone through this or are old school don't understand. I want to feel what it's like to birth my child. To KNOW that child came from me.

I missed out.

I was lost for so long.

I longed to hold my son the moment he was born, to feed him, to care from him from day one.

Instead, I wasn't able to touch him for almost an hour, I had lost all sense of time of who I was, I couldn't breastfeed him because of the surgery and how much it hurt, and I could barely care for him with all the pain I was in.

It just sucks that I have to search for a dr who believes I can do and not be so down.

My husband wishes he was there because he would have spoken his mind. I guess we will just see if we can find someone else. Otherwise we aren't getting pregnant here in Vegas. We can wait till we move in 3 years. Till then we will enjoy the little love in our lives!!

My boy and I