I lost my home, my "hangout" of upstate NY. My friends and family also all lived there.
My job that I knew had potential for becoming a great career and actually made me want to go back to school for medical.
My life changed for the better though right?
I was married to the love of my life, moved to our nations capital and was about to take on a whole new way of life!
I started a new job less than a month after getting married and moving to a whole new city!!
Another optical job that led to more possibilities and allowed for another manager position.
Then came our son, right before the option of managing my own store. But not before being told that we would be moving across the country to Las Vegas.
Wow.
Please imagine for a moment my life.
In two short years I got married, moved to another state in a big city, moved myself up to become a manager and be offered a store of my own, find out we are pregnant and months into pregnancy find out we are moving only weeks after the baby is born.
And now my husband has decided that he wants to go for a specific type of schooling that will only allow us to move to specific places which means I will most likely be following his civilian career around also.
This honestly may seem so stupid to so many but for me as a military spouse who misses her family so much and was homesick only being eight hours away (drive time) and is now days apart. I'm sad, scared and disappointed that we will most likely not be picking where we will be living based on the quality of life but rather it will be based on my husband's career choice again.
His response is always "that's life". My response "find a career that will actually pay and that will allow us to move wherever. Please and thanks."
Last thing that I feel makes me sound rude but its truthful and from my heart and not made to sound as it does.
I want another child. I want another child that I will grow in me, one that I will feel kick, one that I can try to birth naturally, one that will be my blood and also one that will be blood to Jerm. I want my child to have a blood sibling. Don't get me wrong I think that adoption is awesome and I applaud everyone that adopts and I eventually want to adopt a child but I have always wanted at least two of my own children. Two of mine. I hated being an only child and I wanted a sibling so freaking bad. I had step siblings and I had nothing in common with them. I want that dynamic that involves my own children.
I feel like I would be missing something if I didn't have two of my own children. Does that make me a bad person? I sure hope not because I want another child and I feel as though my Father in heaven will give me that child. I feel as though he wants me to have that child. To allow me to have that amazing feeling that birthing a child the way he created it to happen and nursing and caring for that child just as I have Jeremiah.
It's not wrong to want another and those who say otherwise are normally idiots whom have never had kids and probably never will.
I feel like my husband has decided this for me just like he has decided our future. Without my thoughts because its his opinion. I pray for my future child just as much as I pray for Jerm. As much as I pray for my husband and as much as I pray for my marriage and family.
I also pray that we will end up in a community that our children will thrive and be happy and safe in. In a home that will provide safety, and shelter and some land to grow healthy fruits and vegetables for my loving family. I also pray that is there is a way for me to stay home with our children and work from home to help provide but also allow for me to homeschool.
There is so much I pray for. To me it's so much but there is nothing too big for our Lord!!
Honesty is key. Having my husband understand how I feel and how I feel about a situation is key.
Till then,
Ta-ta y'all!!
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