Was I a bigger Witch with a B in high school than I thought??

I'm starting to think so!
So I deleted a ton of people off of every social networking site I had my name plastered across about a year after I got married. I was one of the few from my graduating class who got married at such a young age -- I was 22. And waited to have kids -- I became pregnant with our gummy bear at 23 had him at 24.
I also didn't attend graduation. I went to summer school to boost my grades up in two classes I seriously almost failed. Worked my butt off and passed with flying colors.

After high school I seriously only talked to a handful of friends but everyone from my graduating class wanted to be friends so I added them and acted like we were "friends". I started being asked to attend parties and go out and "hang" with these people who I pretty much ignored my entire high school "career". Sorry for all of the quotations but honestly if I was talking to you right now, you would understand and hear my quotes while I spoke.
Anyways. We had a graduating class of maybe 250? Not sure, wasn't there and didn't care. I hung out with my friends from another school as much as I could. The school district was the type that the parents all bought their kids new sports cars for their 16th birthday and when I went to visit my friends, there was always a new BMW with a HUGE bow on the top outside of the school.

Man I loved that school and I didn't even attend. My friends did, and my boyfriend at the time did also. The teachers knew me better than my own and I even hung out there to do homework with friends. I hated my school and it was obvious.

Now that we are coming up on our 10 year anniversary for our graduating class I'm kinda nervous. I'm actually freaking out because honestly I don't talk to anyone. Yeah there are a few that I converse with on Facebook every once and a while but we aren't buddy buddy. We don't text, write emails share photos or jokes that is all LONG gone.
I told my husband that I wouldn't be surprised if I wasn't invited to my 10 year and he laughed because he doesn't want to go to his.

Anyways back to me being a witch with a b.

I was rude to these people. More like I would ignore them. The last guy I dated from my high school I left him for the other guy at the other school because he wasn't needy. That and the "new" bf didn't go crying to my mother while I was at work. That was just weird. Smh...

So I seriously lit my bridges on fire and made it pretty much impossible to build them back. I have tried to add a few people back but no response. The ones who have added me back have been ones who really only knew me a little bit and are curious where I have been for the last almost 10 years or are too drunk to even care.

Gotta start someplace right?

One reason I don't want to go back is because I'm afraid I haven't done enough. I started writing out everything I've done since then and here is what I have.

Traveled up and down the east coast
Traveled to Germany and Austria
Road trip a couple of times with different groups of friends
Lose those friends because of a older jerk of a guy who was actually less mature than the friends :/
Started college for psychology
Realized that psychology isn't for me because I become too attached to the patient
Started working in Optometry... maybe a good career for me?
Travled to Florida again to meet up with my close friend I had known for 9 years
Travel to DC to visit said close friend
Close friend proposes becoming my hunky fiancé
Marry awesome guy a few months after we start dating
Move to DC with new husband and new dog and try to make sense of this thing called 'marriage'
Land a pretty cool job that I move up in pretty quickly
We're PREGNANT!!!
Get news we are moving across the country to Sin City.... yay?
Have a 10.8lb child who is just shy of two feet via c-section-- life threatening stuff happens
Move to Vegas a month after baby is born
Become a stay at home mommy
Finally start back to school after all of these years out of school and feel lost, fulfilled and happy.
I want to be a doctor.

Looking at that list it doesn't look good enough to me.
I always dream of going to that reunion saying hi and then saying something profound, wearing some overly priced pair of heals and some stunning dress with my hair put up perfect. Then walking out with my husband's arm around my waist off to our rental for the weekend with our kids sleeping soundly and our nanny out on the porch listening to the sound of the summer night.

Yeah that's not reality. Not right now. Maybe in a few years but not right now. Maybe just in time for the reunion but why? Why do I need to have such a vivid picture to make myself feel better about going to this reunion? I had to look back at my good old Xanga!! Oh you know what it is! It's the thing before myspace. The thing that you had to PAY to upload photos. Yup that thing. Brings you back to the aol dial up era huh?  Crazy bull crap there.

That thing was FULL of stuff. I used that thing as a diary. Unpublished posts seriously made me cry and remember what I went through during that time. It wasn't that everyone was mean, or said crap about me. It was that no one said anything. I went out with a football player and honestly that gave me popularity. One of the other guys on the team seemed to like me also. And it went on from there. I was the good girl who didn't get into trouble but liked to go out with friends and have fun. I went to church EVERY Sunday and sang on stage.

What did I do? I started getting deeper. I went through an extreme depression after my grandfather passed away. Heartbreaking agonizing pain. I blocked everyone out my senior year. That's when it happened. I went to dances, I attended all the school functions but just to keep my head above water. I wanted nothing to do with the people in that school because I felt alone. I was hurting and no one knew nor cared and how could they? They didn't know me. I expected them to KNOW the pain I was in. I was naive. Now I know the real reason that people from my school won't add or connect with me. It's all because I refused to connect with them. I have nothing to do with any of the people from the other school so I'm like a floating feather, praying that I will found solid ground to lay upon.

During my depression I became crazy. I remember for my graduation party I went out drinking at a friend from another school's house of course. Big bon fire and lots of good beer that his father made in the basement. I knew those people. They were my friends. People I could count on yet they were so far away. I wouldn't give up those days for the world yet I wouldn't relive them because it was such a dark time in my life.

Now, I look at my husband, and my son and of course our pup and I am blessed. Even if I am invited to my class reunion and really don't have much to say and I'm not as gorgeous as I want to be and I don't have a nanny and a rental on the lake... I'm happy with my life, right now, in this exact moment and every moment after. I am happy. Don't get me wrong though, I will be walking into that banquet hall or whatever it is wearing some fabulous dress and heals!!
No way in HELL this momma an't going to be looking hot and yummy!

As for me being a witch with a B... I totally was and it was worth it! I don't want to be associated with half of the people I went to school with. The other half, I'll pick n choose from them ;)

Tata for now y'all!

AHHHH I GIVE UP!!!

I feel like that EVERY day during nap time! I had a schedule going really well for a while.

8am -- Jerm wakes up, potty, breakfast, clean up, fold laundry with momma, downstairs to play

10am -- Snack time

11am -- Quiet time and or nap time (Mommy cleans, works on homework, down time)

1pm -- Lunch 

1:30- 4pm -- Arts and crafts, music time, story time, playtime, etc.

3pm -- Snack time

4pm -- Mommy starts dinner; self lead play

5pm -- Daddy comes home from work

6-7pm -- Dinner time

7:30-8:30pm -- Bath time, relax, lots of books and snuggles

9pm -- Bed time

What my schedule has looked like since my father in law came to visit almost a month ago (Not blaming you dad!!). I should also mention my husband was home for two weeks and that really screwed everything up.

7-9am -- Wake up

10am -- Eat after 20 mins of tantruming

11am -- "Lord please let him go down for a NAP!!!"

Noon -- Mommy is falling asleep in the recliner, Jerm refuses to eat lunch

1pm -- "Please eat!" "OOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" (no in Jerm)

1:30pm -- 20 mins of ear piercing screams because he is way over tired and refused to eat but is now using it as an excuse to get out of his rom. Finally today as in August 23rd, 2013 I realized that I can give my son a few books and open his curtains (not the blinds) a little and he will read himself to sleep. 

Thank you LORD!!!!

2-4pm wake up from nap demanding to eat and only eat half just in time for daddy to walk in the door to wonder why the house is a mess and why I'm rocking in the corner I am standing like a statue with a frying pan in my hand. 

9-midnight is his bedtime and well that's why I've been so darn tired!

Tonight WILL be a different story. After he wakes from his lovely two hour nap (That I will be cleaning during, except now because I'm writing a lovely blog entry :) 

we will be going to the park in our development and he will be able to climb and jump and slide and we will bring the bat and ball and he can do whatever he darn well pleases while I sit on the side with a homemade frappuccino taking photos and praying for some sort of tan :)

With that said, I am tired. I also need to buy a new blender because using a mini food processor as a blender is so much work!!! I end up having to make 5 separate "mixes" of the delish drink. 

Grocery List for tonight:

Blender

Chocolate Syrup

Carmel Syrup

Ice Cube Trays with lids 

So I am all about trying to save a dollar or two. Although I'm not a big coupon person if I see something in our "garbage" mail I clip it and stick it in my wallet and try to remember to use it. Well, I am challenging myself to start using coupons because a. I want to save more money, and b. I just bought a new printer for a really awesome price if I do say so myself! Too bad I had it for a week before I figured out how in the heck to connect it to WiFi but hey, I'm not perfect nor are you so don't judge.

Anyways, I'm looking for great deals on clothes, organic/natural foods, and so on. If you know me in "real life" you would know that my family is trying to live the most natural life as possible. Some times though we need bleach or more often than not we eat out. 

When we eat out we try to pick the healthiest places to eat or eat the healthiest thing on the menu. So if we are going to In n Out, I will get a burger protein style. Which essentially is everything but the bun and it's all wrapped in lettuce. 

So I'm challenging myself and you out there in blogger land, to find coupons and use them to help you eat healthier! Even if that means eating a burger without a bun ;)

Tata for now!