Not preggy... yay?

Okay so my husband already knows that I really want another baby but his reasoning for not having one right now are very sincere and caring. He wants me to get back to a healthy weight and get really strong and stay strong so that I can have our next child naturally.
Some of our family thinks that he is being controlling, and that if I want another child that he should give me a child.
But honestly, I agree with my husband. I want to be strong, and healthy and no matter how many stretch marks I have I want to know that the next baby who lives in my womb for over 10 months (yup Jerm was in there for a long time), will be able to come out naturally even if he or she is freaking huge!

So I am just going to continue to work out (I took a week or so off ooopppss...) and keep eating healthy (this I am doing really well at) and get myself to be healthy like I was well before Jerm was born.

Other news!!! I have gotten a good chunk of Jerm's pregnancy and birth story written and can't wait to finish, edit and post it on here. His birth story isn't going to be pretty. Honestly it's quite sad considering that nothing went as planned. But my child who is currently running laps upstairs with me while I write this is the most amazing thing I have done and will ever do in my life! He still will be the most amazing thing even when I complete my doctorate, and even when I have another child. He changed my life, made me a mother. I will never be the same person I was, I will always have his life to dictate who I am, what I do and what I will become. My husband is my partner and my other half, I love him so much, and even though we fight I love him. He gave me the other half to make our beautiful, smart, spunky, amazing child.


Other news...

Binki or "Dede" as it is known in our home has been cut. Literally cut. I provided a photo.

Sad day, my little guy is a big boy!

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." Colossians 3:2

Such a easy verse to remember and has become a favorite of mine in the past year or so.
When we lived in DC life was completely different than living here in Vegas. I had a decent paying job that I was excelling in and moving at a pretty good pace, a lifestyle that I had always wanted, we went out to eat almost every day, spent $1000s of dollars on clothes and food and lived in a decent apartment that cost us over $2000 to rent per month just for rent, not including all the utilities and such to keep the place running. None of those things I wanted to give up. Nothing was more important than the money I was making, and the material things I was able to buy because of that money. I didn't want to give any of that up for anything!
That was my problem though, I didn't want to give anything up.
God knew my heart, he knew that before all of the money, before all of the materialistic bull crap that I had placed in my life, I wanted a family.
He also knew that if we didn't leave the nation's capital that not only would I become lost from him, but that I would lose my husband and even though the two of us fought like cats and dogs sometimes, I loved him dearly and God made us for each other and that was made very apparent especially when you hear our story.

I wholeheartedly believe that our Lord, who knew how badly I loved that area, gave us a child and had us move to the other side of the US to have us learn something, something so very important that otherwise we would have never of learned:

To love Him first, to love each other second and to love our child third.


"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." Colossians 3:2

I first came across this verse by accident a little over a year ago. I was still dwelling on the fact that I was so very far away from the place that I called home- the east coast- and so far away from everything that I loved so dearly- making money mostly but also our family (even thought we did not visit nearly enough).
I was looking for a verse about something, who knows what because really I wasn't going to do anything with it. I wanted it as a Facebook status, how stupid and fake.

Instead I found something much better and in God's divine planning had it miss-marked on google. Good Morning Girls was the first website that popped up with this photo:

Well played God well played! I thought sure this is great, I'll download it and do something with it later. My husband set it as our background on accident and just left it there. So everyday for about 3 months I saw it. Finally I prayed about it and that Sunday we went to church and heard a sermon all about the greed of our country and how we need to look at our hearts.

God spoke to my heart that morning and brought that photo into my mind so clearly that without closing my eyes I could see it.

I have chosen to stop looking out the window at what other's have, and start looking in my home.
I find myself frequently sitting on the stairs while my husband and son watch tv and play together. The dirty dishes in the sink don't matter, nor does the fact that there are things in places they need not be. My life isn't perfect and I'm sick of pretending that it is.

God moved us out here to Sin City to learn, to change us, and to do something BIG!

I'm sick of acting like this place is hell. It's not hell, and it's not even close to being hell.

The last couple of blog entries have been pretty much the same thing. Telling you that I am changing or that I will change and telling you about what I want to do rather than just doing it.

This blog is going to do something, at least I hope it does.

My hopes for this blog are pretty simple:

I want to help people, somehow, someway
I want to use this blog as a tool to keep myself on track with my goals;
                                    Be a amazing wife, mother, daughter, and friend.
                                    Keep my Lord front and center, right up there ahead.
                                    I want to "Keep it Real" No more lying to myself, no more faking anything. I                        
                           want people to SEE ME!! No more pretending to be someone else. I am who I am and
                           if you don't like it fine by me. Just move on!
                                   Strive to be a Psalm 31 wife; I will be the first to admit that I do NOT like "giving in" to what my husband wants. Honestly, I really hate it but you know what? Wives are to be submissive to the husband. Our Lord protects us all but gives guidance to our husbands so they can protect our home.
       

Still no sign of... Not being pregnant?

Hello ya'll!! 

Today is a very boring day in our home. As I type this my entire little family are asleep (besides me of course) on my husband's and my bed. That includes our pup too! 

I think it's time for a bigger bed like yesterday. Okay more like the moment we found out we were having Jerm.

My dh has a four day weekend, and is going to help me spiff up the house! Yeah right! He will, maybe. 

Sometime this weekend we will be going to see some dolphins and white tigers. My dh hasn't spilled the beans on the location though. I will most definitely take photos. I've got to remember to charge the DSLR batteries. I always forget!

So I bought my first set of Scentsy wax bar thingys. I did not buy their overpriced warmer though, I bought mine from classy Walmart and saved close to $20 doing so. I wanted the owl but I think I can find one elsewhere for much less. 

Weight loss update: I haven't lost weight but I have lost inches. If I am pregnant I am going to continue to tone and workout. That was the issue last time, I stopped it all. Working out, toning, eating healthy. It all just stopped! Which is why I gained close to 100lbs :/ can't hate anyone BUT myself!!

I feel like this will be my farewell till the day I graduate and then some for work studies but...

Off to go do the homework, ta-ta for now and God Bless!

Pregnant?

I have to say I have no stinking idea if I am. I'm two weeks late and I've taken three tests... Yes THREE!!! I'm never late unless I miscalculate, then obviously I'm not really late I just haven't counted correctly. 

But I know I'm late because I've been writing down the time and the day for the last few months and its always the same time each month. 

This is scary. Although yes I want another baby because I feel like our family is not complete but at the same time I'm in school, we have no family here because of the military, and I've finally started getting my health back on track after all of the horrible crap I dealt with my first pregnancy. I'm not anymore stressed than I was last month (school is kicking my butt) sadly I haven't lost any weight (working on it I promise) and our life hasn't just fallen to shambles so I have no idea. 

If I don't have a cycle by Tuesday I'm going onto the drs. I have one test left so hopefully I get it before Sunday which is when I test again but if not then yay for baby! 

If anyone reads this, has anyone used the Chinese birth calendar thing? It was right with Jerm even though I believe each hold is chosen by God I still find it interesting. 

Back to schoolwork, sadly I'm not getting a A for this class. Ill make it up with my next ones for sure though. ☺

MANI & pedi's

Ever since I can remember I have bit my nails. Not like the creepy people who bite them down to the bone but pretty darn short. I've always had anxiety and stressed out about stupid things and some very big crazy things too. 

Almost a month ago I decided that my stress levels had to go down for good and that my nail biting needed to end. Over ten years of "trying" to stop biting my nails was so wrong. Usually I would go a week and a half and just give in. 

This time was different and it will continue to be different. 

I had done my nails up for a job interview and looked at myself in the mirror before I left.  

Even though I'm still a little heavy (another thing I'm working on) I saw how beautiful I was. My hair is finally thickening back up from my pregnancy, my skin is clearing up finally (moving to the other side of the us was NOT helpful),  my body is down to my pre pregnancy weight and is starting to tone and hopefully this summer I will finally have a tan again... Without paying $60 a month haha 

Anyways. So I saw myself in a new light. A mature, intelligent, wife and mother who is going places so I better keep acting like and dressing like I belong. 

So I stopped biting my nails. After I took off the fakies almost two weeks later I immediately cleaned, moisturized, buffed and polished my shortish nails. 

I made sure that all of my nails were rounded and free of snags to be sure I wouldn't bite. 

So far so good. I keep myself busy and when I feel the need to bite I chew gum or just go and do dishes or clean. 

It's an addiction, just like eating, smoking and drugs. 

It may not have severe effects like other addictions but its still a addiction. 

So here's to realizing that I am beautiful and I am going someplace! To beautiful nails and mani & pedis, not just pedis!! 

Success Really Isn't Everything

All my life I've felt like I've never been good enough or done well enough. 

No matter how hard I worked I never had any recognition as to how well I did so most of the time I didn't care.

I gave up.

As a child my father didn't believe in being proud because the definition of proud was against what he believed. I get that so I never bring it up.

But I would have loved to hear that he was at least pleased or honored or something.

I'm 27 now and I'm married to a great man even though he can be a dork sometimes and get on my nerves I love him dearly and we have an adorable child together.

We have a decent home that we rent from a friend, and it's filled with nice things that we saved up to buy.

We have a very nice car, we eat healthy foods, and pay our bills. 

I am able to stay home with our son and take care of the house while my husband goes to work and comes home around the same time each night.

My husband has a reef tank that the build itself without all of the fish, coral, and bits and pieces cost more than my first car (5k anyone?)

We BOTH are in school. My husband is almost done with school and I have recently started back. 

I have maintained a 4.0 GPA in accelerated classes, caring for my family and keeping up with my housework and for a while working a seasonal job that I was called into almost every night to fill spots.

After FINALLY finishing my undergrad I hope and pray that I can attend the Pennsylvania School of Optometry and receive my doctorate as a Optometrist and become an amazing doctor just like the many doctors I have worked with in the past.

I am a Christ following Christian. 

I mess up, I repent and I pray daily for everyone around me. Even though I am watching those of the Christian faith be put down and push around and have their rights taken away I still follow my Lord and try my hardest with His help to be what He needs me to be. 

My ten year high school reunion is coming soon.

In a little over two years I will be seeing people I graduated with that probably haven't thought of me since then and I honestly want to feel as though I've done something so that I can feel accomplished.

My husband is funny, he tells me anytime I bring this up that I should make a statement and not go. I laugh at him because he knows that:

1. WE are going (he didn't go to my high school)

&

2. I don't have a #2, well not really anyways. I just want to do something so that I'm not a loser, that I'm not the same girl that everyone knew in high school. 

I look back at pictures, journal entries, myspace & facebook posts and wonder if I've grown up enough. Did I accomplish enough.

Have I changed for the better or worse.

What else can I do.

How can I be what I always wanted to be.

Then I try to remember what I wanted to be, what I wanted to do with my life.

Then I look back at what I did in high school. How much I went through and how much I missed because I felt worthless. 

I wasn't good enough.

I wasn't pretty enough.

Not skinny enough.

Not tan enough.

Not smart enough.

Not "religious" enough.

Didn't go back to school soon enough.

Not. Enough.

Have you ever felt this way? 

suc·cess

  [suhk-ses] 

noun

1.

the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts orendeavors; the accomplishment of one's goals.

2.

the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.

3.

a performance or achievement that is marked by success, as bythe attainment of honors: The play was an instant success.

4.

a person or thing that has had success, as measured byattainment of goals, wealth, etc.: She was a great success on the talkshow.

How do you define success?

Do you compare yourself to others? 

Do you make a list of what you have done thus far in your life?

Or do you just look at your completed goals as your success? 

I only do the first two.

I compare my life to other's lives and to get myself away from the revolving door that is depression I then make lists of what I have done to pull myself out of that hole. 

I struggle with this everyday.

And now that our ten year reunion is so very very close my heart stops when I think of what I haven't been able to accomplish and how much my adult self wanted to accomplish. 

Worrying isn't going to help me though. Sticking to my plan that I have created is the only way I'm going to achieve anything.

I have given up on wishing away the days so no more of that. 

More concentrating on the now and working towards something bigger and better. 

Praying that I can do it and thankful that Our Lord and Savior is proud of me for what I've gone through, what I'm dealing with now and what I will endure in the future.