Pregnant?

I have to say I have no stinking idea if I am. I'm two weeks late and I've taken three tests... Yes THREE!!! I'm never late unless I miscalculate, then obviously I'm not really late I just haven't counted correctly. 

But I know I'm late because I've been writing down the time and the day for the last few months and its always the same time each month. 

This is scary. Although yes I want another baby because I feel like our family is not complete but at the same time I'm in school, we have no family here because of the military, and I've finally started getting my health back on track after all of the horrible crap I dealt with my first pregnancy. I'm not anymore stressed than I was last month (school is kicking my butt) sadly I haven't lost any weight (working on it I promise) and our life hasn't just fallen to shambles so I have no idea. 

If I don't have a cycle by Tuesday I'm going onto the drs. I have one test left so hopefully I get it before Sunday which is when I test again but if not then yay for baby! 

If anyone reads this, has anyone used the Chinese birth calendar thing? It was right with Jerm even though I believe each hold is chosen by God I still find it interesting. 

Back to schoolwork, sadly I'm not getting a A for this class. Ill make it up with my next ones for sure though. ☺

MANI & pedi's

Ever since I can remember I have bit my nails. Not like the creepy people who bite them down to the bone but pretty darn short. I've always had anxiety and stressed out about stupid things and some very big crazy things too. 

Almost a month ago I decided that my stress levels had to go down for good and that my nail biting needed to end. Over ten years of "trying" to stop biting my nails was so wrong. Usually I would go a week and a half and just give in. 

This time was different and it will continue to be different. 

I had done my nails up for a job interview and looked at myself in the mirror before I left.  

Even though I'm still a little heavy (another thing I'm working on) I saw how beautiful I was. My hair is finally thickening back up from my pregnancy, my skin is clearing up finally (moving to the other side of the us was NOT helpful),  my body is down to my pre pregnancy weight and is starting to tone and hopefully this summer I will finally have a tan again... Without paying $60 a month haha 

Anyways. So I saw myself in a new light. A mature, intelligent, wife and mother who is going places so I better keep acting like and dressing like I belong. 

So I stopped biting my nails. After I took off the fakies almost two weeks later I immediately cleaned, moisturized, buffed and polished my shortish nails. 

I made sure that all of my nails were rounded and free of snags to be sure I wouldn't bite. 

So far so good. I keep myself busy and when I feel the need to bite I chew gum or just go and do dishes or clean. 

It's an addiction, just like eating, smoking and drugs. 

It may not have severe effects like other addictions but its still a addiction. 

So here's to realizing that I am beautiful and I am going someplace! To beautiful nails and mani & pedis, not just pedis!! 

Success Really Isn't Everything

All my life I've felt like I've never been good enough or done well enough. 

No matter how hard I worked I never had any recognition as to how well I did so most of the time I didn't care.

I gave up.

As a child my father didn't believe in being proud because the definition of proud was against what he believed. I get that so I never bring it up.

But I would have loved to hear that he was at least pleased or honored or something.

I'm 27 now and I'm married to a great man even though he can be a dork sometimes and get on my nerves I love him dearly and we have an adorable child together.

We have a decent home that we rent from a friend, and it's filled with nice things that we saved up to buy.

We have a very nice car, we eat healthy foods, and pay our bills. 

I am able to stay home with our son and take care of the house while my husband goes to work and comes home around the same time each night.

My husband has a reef tank that the build itself without all of the fish, coral, and bits and pieces cost more than my first car (5k anyone?)

We BOTH are in school. My husband is almost done with school and I have recently started back. 

I have maintained a 4.0 GPA in accelerated classes, caring for my family and keeping up with my housework and for a while working a seasonal job that I was called into almost every night to fill spots.

After FINALLY finishing my undergrad I hope and pray that I can attend the Pennsylvania School of Optometry and receive my doctorate as a Optometrist and become an amazing doctor just like the many doctors I have worked with in the past.

I am a Christ following Christian. 

I mess up, I repent and I pray daily for everyone around me. Even though I am watching those of the Christian faith be put down and push around and have their rights taken away I still follow my Lord and try my hardest with His help to be what He needs me to be. 

My ten year high school reunion is coming soon.

In a little over two years I will be seeing people I graduated with that probably haven't thought of me since then and I honestly want to feel as though I've done something so that I can feel accomplished.

My husband is funny, he tells me anytime I bring this up that I should make a statement and not go. I laugh at him because he knows that:

1. WE are going (he didn't go to my high school)

&

2. I don't have a #2, well not really anyways. I just want to do something so that I'm not a loser, that I'm not the same girl that everyone knew in high school. 

I look back at pictures, journal entries, myspace & facebook posts and wonder if I've grown up enough. Did I accomplish enough.

Have I changed for the better or worse.

What else can I do.

How can I be what I always wanted to be.

Then I try to remember what I wanted to be, what I wanted to do with my life.

Then I look back at what I did in high school. How much I went through and how much I missed because I felt worthless. 

I wasn't good enough.

I wasn't pretty enough.

Not skinny enough.

Not tan enough.

Not smart enough.

Not "religious" enough.

Didn't go back to school soon enough.

Not. Enough.

Have you ever felt this way? 

suc·cess

  [suhk-ses] 

noun

1.

the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts orendeavors; the accomplishment of one's goals.

2.

the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.

3.

a performance or achievement that is marked by success, as bythe attainment of honors: The play was an instant success.

4.

a person or thing that has had success, as measured byattainment of goals, wealth, etc.: She was a great success on the talkshow.

How do you define success?

Do you compare yourself to others? 

Do you make a list of what you have done thus far in your life?

Or do you just look at your completed goals as your success? 

I only do the first two.

I compare my life to other's lives and to get myself away from the revolving door that is depression I then make lists of what I have done to pull myself out of that hole. 

I struggle with this everyday.

And now that our ten year reunion is so very very close my heart stops when I think of what I haven't been able to accomplish and how much my adult self wanted to accomplish. 

Worrying isn't going to help me though. Sticking to my plan that I have created is the only way I'm going to achieve anything.

I have given up on wishing away the days so no more of that. 

More concentrating on the now and working towards something bigger and better. 

Praying that I can do it and thankful that Our Lord and Savior is proud of me for what I've gone through, what I'm dealing with now and what I will endure in the future. 

Holy moly ya'll!

How was everyone's Easter or like we like to call it in our home Resurrection Sunday?

Turns out, trying to get all three of us ready for church when we are all tired and getting over colds is not a easy task so instead our little family went up to one of the parks here called Red Rock on Sunday.

It was lovely. So many people were up there enjoying the day with cookouts and even a few egg hunts! We had left the DSLR at home because it was a after thought after we were in the car and driving to church but even though my phone takes horrible photos I still was able to capture some of God's beautiful works!

This past week or so I've been deep cleaning, and even still deep cleaning the mess from the prior tenant a year later. Slobs.

I didn't say that ;)

I think I mentioned a while back that we had the opportunity to move into a updated home with a pool but decided against it for many reasons.
So I've started working on this house so it will feel more like home.
I finally put up our bedroom curtains and am FINALLY starting on that massive bedroom of ours. Next step will be painting and making new bedding! Very excited!

Thank Goodness

My husband and son were in a car accident Sunday. Both are fine but our car, not so much.
They had dropped me off at work and moments later where tboned by a large suv. Our poor Camry hybrid didn't do so good.

It had to be the scariest thing I have ever dealt with up to this time in my life. I had just seen them, closed that door that was now smashed in. When I turned around I knew someone had gotten hit but when I saw our car, our car that held my husband and my son inside of it I freaked out.

The next couple of moments I was lost. I know I over reacted but really what would anyone else do? For some reason my brain said to go into my store and tell my manager and then go back out. Why? I have no freaking idea. So I ran in freaking out and threw my bags over the counter and ran back out down the road to my husband and son- who by this time were out of the car and perfectly fine.
If I could replay all of that, I would have waited a little longer to get out of the car and none of this would have happened.

Anyways.

The man who hit them didn't see them. Our car is a light mint green color and is easy to miss so I get it. But he should have looked again. I'm a super cautious driver as is my husband so I know that my husband did all that he could not to get hit. He told me he swerved, I believe it. I'm just so upset that now, because this guy didn't look again or wasn't really paying attention we are now dealing with insurance companies, praying that we will get the money back that we deserve and praying that our car can be fixed.

You see, the guy who hit us, he didn't have a yield sign. It was just implied that you should yield in a cross "street" in a parking lot on private property. Not everyone is smart though, I have to remind myself that daily. We have idiots driving around in cars.
I'm just glad that the guy had insurance, and that not all 12 kids and his wife were in the car.

Anyways...

So as of today we are dealing with a car that only the driver's side doors work, a car that we can't drive down the highway, and oh yes a car who's airbags never deployed so they could technically deploy at anytime even when driving! So while we are fighting both insurance companies, praying that we have enough money to cover a rental car and deductible really I feel like the Lord is saying, "Trust in me, I can handle anything."

Let go and Let the Lord...

Yup.

Lord, please take this. Because my husband and I can't do this ourselves.

WHITEHOUSE UPDATE

So we I am potty training our loveable two year old. So far so good! Only a few minor accidents in the past two days. Right now I'm debating between two permanent potty seats for his bathroom toilet. He doesn't like his potty chair but we use it downstairs and he just loves to sit on his big boy toilet in his bathroom. (Starting to think we pushed him being a big boy too much)

So we were given an opportunity to move into a beautiful house with hardwood floors, beautiful drift wood incorporated into the architecture, open floor plan, a RODI and water softener system, a pool (LOVE this part), a beautiful updated kitchen, faux grass (needed out here), a garage with a WORKING door opener, ceiling fans, and a master suite with direct access to the pool. A beautiful house with so much to offer and the rental price to go with it. For an additional $350 a month we could rent that beautiful place.

And being the sweet loving husband that he is... He let me decide if we should move or not.

So I prayed about what I should do. We had the money, but it would be like when we first moved out here. A little more of a tight budget, we wouldn't be able to go back home this summer we would have to wait longer to see family back east.
I made my list. Seriously it was so long and I really wish I had taken a picture of it.

God told me to stay. Even though the house had a pool, hardwood floors, and so many things I wanted. I felt God telling me that something bad would happen if I chose to stay. That our safety would be compromised and we would not be safe. We know the last renters and the present renters both who work with Hubby. Actually, the present renter took the last renter's job.
Anyway, that's another story for another day...

So, this beautiful house is not ours. Even though I would love to live there, I actually feel much more safe and happier in our present home. A home that even though it's not as updated, and has a unfinished yard and no pool, oh crap can I change my mind? I still like it here.
We are in a gated community, and it feels like home. Our neighbors are nice, we haven't had any crime here since we moved in a year ago and we are so close to everything there is no sense moving even further from a base that already takes 45mins to get to.

So we are staying. I'm listening to God and we have been rewarded. Hubby finally sold his car about a week after deciding to not rent the other house. We also were able to pay off a few bills, buy me a mac, and buy everything for my husband to build his new reef tank from the ground up (Photos to come of that beauty!), and we also turned Jerm's tank into a saltwater tank which makes our life a whole lot easier when it comes to maintenance.

So, I've been working on weight loss. I don't want to be skinny, I want to be toned and healthy again. So far I have limited my intake of red meats down to maybe once a month IF that. I eat fresh veggies and fruit everyday. I take in plenty of lean proteins daily and have pretty much cut out all carbs except for a whole grain carb for breakfast and lunch.
I started at a gym which is amazing because the time when I go, there are so few people that I actually feel comfortable going. I am finally able, after over 3 years to actually run a mile without feeling like I'm going to die. My time isn't the greatest but I'm getting there.
By the end of this year I want to have run a 5k, 10k and my first half marathon by the first half of the new year.

Besides all of those lovely things going on... Jerm is having full on tantrums, refuses to go to sleep for not only nap but bedtime. Tonight I started prepping him for bedtime at 8:30pm and he still isn't asleep now and it's 10:47pm. Here's to praying that the TERRIBLE TWOs are corrected CORRECTLY by my husband and myself. I'm looking for new ways to discipline and watching for signs that he really just needs a hug or playtime with mommy or daddy. Goodness it's hard!
And to think... I want another, within the next year!!!
I MUST be crazy.

On that note,
Ya'll have a great week now ya hear!

Perspective Jogging

It's FALL!!! 

Well not so much here but at least it's getting a bit cooler!
It's only 89* here in Las Vegas, NV. Last night when I let the dogs out before bedtime it was nice and cool, I would say low 70s.

I really miss the Autumn weather back east. Can't wait to go home one day and watch the leaves change, go to the balloon festival, make thanksgiving dinner for family, crunch the leaves under my feet, the first frost and snowfall, and Christmas.

This time two years ago we were prepping for Jeremiah to be born. Waiting for the day I would go into labor and the miracle that was growing inside of me to become a real person and not just a black and white ultrasound photo.
I was excited and very reluctant to realize that what I thought would happen and the life that we had would be changing forever. All or most of you know the story of what happened when Jeremiah was born.

But most don't know that up until now I've been dealing with complications that I didn't know where possible. I've been treated for mild depression from dealing with a complicated birth and also a form of PTSD from the birth and emergency c-section, I also have been on many medications for allergies, abdominal issues and even had a few visits to some specialists who still aren't quite sure what is wrong. I haven't been able to do a full work out regiment because of all of this.

But there is great news!

About a month ago I was cleared to do a full workout program! If you knew me when I was in high school or just in New York at all you know that I loved biking, swimming, going to the gym, and even working out while watching tv. I ate pretty healthy and I was slim, healthy and happy!

I have had a sinus infection for the last 2 months and finally got myself to the doctor over the weekend (it's a mom thing), paid my tiny co-pay ($6 for super anti-biotic and a bunch of other stuff) and headed home to get myself better!

Last night after a day of running around all over town with Jeremiah I decided that I was feeling good enough to go and jog (day 3 of 10 of anti-biotic). Like I said I haven't really really worked out since Jeremiah was born. But WOW! I felt so good! I jogged/ fast walk about a mile and every time I slowed down to take a breath I felt my body tell me to go further! It was amazing! Muscle memory is the only way to describe it. I got back into the same pace I was so familiar with and it felt awesome! I'm excited to go again when Brad gets home tonight!

Some news dealing with Jeremiah for all of those who pretty much come on here just for him (it's okay Brad and I still love you! haha)

• Jeremiah is still at 35lbs but getting taller
• He has now successfully been in his toddler bed for almost 3 weeks (first try only lasted a week in August) and once he learns to stay in bed completely we are buying a big boy bed
• He started saying words in short 2-3 word sentences 
• Is advanced in everything but his vocabulary 
• Is able to sort colors and shapes like a pro (when he wants to)
• Has been opening doors for 4 months- not too fond of this but it is an achievement
  Plays really well with other kids and is able to solve conflicts or comes to Brad or myself if there is one
  Is very good at problem solving- I'm not sure when this becomes a big deal but it amazes me that he's able to do this at only 22 months
• Has very few or even NO tantrums and when he does it's because he's tired or hungry
• Loves art, reading, music and playing pretend- We are going to take advantage of the halloween costumes and make a boy version of a dress up chest along with some fun things from our closet! 
• Oh yes... and we are potty training. Not going so well so thinking of putting this off for a bit longer. I'm kinda happy because that means I don't have to try and put him on a public toilet and have to wipe him as he runs through the house with... well you get it.

Favorite foods: 

• Cheese eggs (thanks dad for making these for me when I was little now they are Jeremiah's favorite breakfast!)
• english muffins- with any and all toppings
• grilled cheese
• sweet potatoes
• chicken sandwiches
• my baked "fried" chicken- Brad's also
• yummy fruit bars
• homemade fruit leather (I've got to make more of this!)

It's crazy how big our little gummy bear has become. I'm making a book of photos for each year of our marriage and when I got to the photos of Jeremiah when he was first born, and how little he was, it made me appreciate how much the Lord has given us.
It made me so thankful that I have such a gracious Lord, a husband that even though we have hard times he's always there for us, and a super smart little boy who has changed our lives for the better. We are a family now, before him we were not going anyplace. Now Brad is working on his degree and I'm getting ready to start school! We are debt free besides the cars and even though we really don't like Las Vegas, we are learning that this isn't forever, this isn't where we are going to live after the military and this is just another detour in our lives!

We have a great church, we are very slowly making friends and we in a good place in our lives. Reminding myself that, is hard, especially when Jeremiah decides to poop 4 times before nap time in his diaper, or one of the dogs pees on the floor, or the rental home we are getting a great deal on needs some work; I still need to remember how much we have, and how blessed we really are!

That is such a hard thing to do nowadays too. With credit cards and mortgages, and looking at what others have that you don't. Comparing our lives with the people next door or even people we know who live someplace else is heart wrenching.

I often find myself asking myself how so and so are able to afford what they have. For friends of ours who are military you know about how much they make, it's everywhere on the internet! So I find myself wondering how they have a big beautiful house with, nice furnishings, and so much more. 

But lately the Lord has having me look at what we have. 

We have God the father who is watching over us, who is giving us what we need. We have two cars that both run, a rental home we can do whatever we want to (within reason), we are healthy (or getting better), we have a child who has already surpassed most children his age in pretty much everything, two loving- yet sometimes annoying dogs, we have clothes and food and pretty awesome things in our home, and 

Brad has even found a new hobby that will be MAKING us money!!

Perspective.

That's what life is. Looking inside of yourself and not looking out at others. Looking into the windows of your heart or even your home and seeing what YOU have and stop worrying what the other people have and being thankful for everything that you have in front of you and helping those who are less fortunate, praying for the greater good.

We don't have a ton of money but are richer than people I know that make 100-200k a year! We live on one salary and are doing pretty well!! Living within your means and realizing that being upset about what another may have that you don't isn't going to get you anyplace. Realizing that you have gifts that you need to use to help yourself, your family, your friends, and strangers is a priority. The Lord gave us our gifts to further his kingdom.

Keep in mind that life is never perfect, the things that aren't so perfect are the things that truly may become perfect, we just have to give them time.
I guess this is a good a time as ever to put up some  

PHOTOS of our darling little guy!

Brad and I recently got a new camera and we have learning how to use it- slowly.
Here are some shots of Jeremiah- and us- that I thought you would enjoy!

My ba-ba

Throwing rocks!

More Fish!

Look at mommy...

Look Daddy

DUCKS!

Tired eyes

Are we done yet?

Time for a nap

"Sun in face" face

Boys taking a walk

Snack time! Thanks Daddy!

Big boy in his Big boy chair

Cheese!

Hey!

What's THIS letter?

Deer in Headlights

Maggie came to play

Scream

Heart

Love

Froggy Friend

Yum!

Cute Feet

Wash those hands

Mommy and Me

All Smiles