My Life is REALLY a gift from God above!!

First I should say that we had an amazing New York vacation!! 

It made me realize that we don't need to search for a place to call home once we are done with the military because Upstate Ny IS home!

It was so cold there and we ALL got sick (because of the cold) but it was HOME.

Jeremiah had so much fun being with our family and opened up so darn quick! 

Our next step is to get back there as soon as possible! 

So now that we have been home for a couple of days, I'm sick like usual. I'm so thankful I wasn't sick there. I am so glad I was able to enjoy our two week break from hell (vegas). 

Please keep our family in prayer that we will be able to move either back home for good with decent jobs or that we can move back close enough to drive with really good jobs.

My dad (saba), my grandmother (oma), my aunts and uncles, my cousins, our friends, they all loved having us there. With Jeremiah and whatever future children we may have I know that we can depend on them being there for support, more support than we have had the entire time out here. 

Not saying that we don't have a support group here but really it is not the strongest group ever. 

So, we got a new puppy! His name is Cooper and he is a yorkie-poo! 

He's a spunky little guy but he fits quite well with our family!!

We got him in Ny at the same place we got our Maggie almost 6 years ago!

We are so happy to have him, even though Maggie is still the queen pup. ;)

So tonight something amazing happened. 

My husband who really didn't want to be a father this young; did something so astounding that I had tears in my eyes!

He had brought up Jeremiah's fish tank up to his room because he's afraid of the air vent on the ceiling and the fish help him sleep thanks to the light on their tank. 

Anywho, I heard him come upstairs while I was getting ready for bed so I knew that he was situating the tank on Jerm's dresser. 

I walk quietly up to the door and peek in and I see him laying in bed next to our son and he tells him;

"You are safe as long as I am here. Mommy is safe, BunBun (stuffed rabbit) is safe, Maggie is safe and Cooper is safe. As long as I am here you have nothing to worry about buddy."

To many, that would just be sweet. Awwws and how cutes and so on. 

To me, it means the world!

My husband has always had a hard time figuring out his role as a dad. His dad wasn't in his life the way that he is in our son's life. His dad is an amazing dad but his parents divorced before he could even roll over, so sometimes he is overwhelmed by everything that is thrown his way when it comes to parenting. 

(I'm not much better considering my mother was and is a deadbeat who didn't want me in the first place. So I've learned as much as I can from interacting with moms who I see as role models. Books, and using my "motherly intuition")

I think I have said this before but we have so many marks against us for our marriage, raising children and just living our lives to the fullest; so anytime something like this happens, I'm overjoyed! It reminds me how deeply our Lord has blessed us. 

No matter how hard we may have it at times (which honestly isn't that hard), and no matter how complicated our lives are out here in Vegas.

We are blessed with this AMAZING gift from the Lord!

I feel so LOVED when I hear my husband reading scripture, or saying the kindest things to our son or when he does something to HELP me around the house that honestly he doesn't have to do. 

Blessings from above, are life's biggest treasures!

&

Money can only buy so much, all of the rest comes from those who are worth more than their weight in gold. 

I really hope your Thanksgiving was a happy one! While back home we visited with my family and then visited with my inlaws whom drove up to Ny from Fl to visit with us!

It was an amazing trip even with all of us sick at the end of the trip. 

I also made a small thanksgiving dinner this past saturday because honestly, we didn't get any leftovers and that really is one of the best parts!

Hopefully I will be feeling better so our huge Christmas tree can go up along with the decorations for the house (nothing to fancy!). 

Well y'all! You all have a great night, until next time!!

3 years!!

My goodness!! 

My gummy bear was born three years ago today!! Okay so more like tonight at 9:47pm but still, I am in awe. 

These last three years have been an adventure that's for sure.

I can't wait to see what the coming years with our little bug will be like :)

Today/yesterday, I was sick. I still am and I should be sleeping but I have massive amounts of writing to finish and I haven't really done much of it yet. I will get there. 

I have just been so emotional about Jerm's birthday that I haven't been able to concentrate. 

My hubby was unable to get the day off so instead, if it's nice enough, we will be walking down to the park to play or maybe go to the museum. 

{I wonder if they do something for a child's birthday???}

After hubbsey gets home we are going straight to dinner at APPLEBEE'S, only because that is Jerm's fave restaurant.

{My 2… 3 year old is spoiled}

After that we are going to the toy store to pick up his new bike and helmet. 

It was a toss up between a bike and one of those cars that they can ride around in but we are getting the car for Christmas instead. At least that way he will have some time with the bike till it gets super cold!

Brrrrrrrrrr….

It's already chilly here :(

So wanna know something gross?? We completely forgot about our HVAC vent filter and hadn't changed it in over 5 months. It was SO gross. But now our house smells fresh and clean again! Guess who won't forget to change it next time? Oh that's right me! I wrote it Everywhere!! 

My phone, all three calendars and even on our reminder boards! 

I really want to start vlogging. My husband thinks it's stupid but honestly, I think it's awesome! Document your life every day and try to put info out there to help others! 

What do you think? Do you think our family would be interesting enough to vlog about? 

What about when we decide to add another little one to our family? 

That should be happening soon, as long as I get my body a bit healthier. 

Gotta get back into shape. I wonder if I documented my workout progress that I would actually do it daily, rather than just saying I would? 

Might as well find out huh? Guess I need to go and buy a new sim card and batteries tomorrow then :)

Laters Y'all!!

What if You where to leave this world "early"?

As a believer in Christ, I don't think we die early or late or whatever. We die when our Lord says it's time. 

I have lost so many family members while growing up and even as an adult. My heart hurt if the family member hadn't given their life over to Christ. The thought that they most likely wouldn't be in heaven when I left this earth made me sad. It hurt my heart. 

With that said, the family that passed away who I knew where believers and repented their sins, I know I will see them in heaven one day. 

But when will that be?

As a young child I always felt as though I would leave this earth early. I have never been scared of this, not for me anyways, but for my family yes. 

I am now a wife and a mother. The thought of me leaving this earth right now scares me so badly. The thought that my husband would be left here to take care of our son and for our son to not have his mommy scares me so much. 

I know it's different but I didn't have my mother when I was growing up, not because she had died but because she was not a good person and still to this day she is not a good person. 

I worry about my husband being overwhelmed, of not having enough to move forward for our son by himself. 

I worry that he wouldn't remarry, which I honestly would want him to do if he felt that he was ready or able. 

I worry about our son, and what would happen to him. 

Would how I die determine how he feels about me, his father or himself? 

Would he reject Our Lord? 

I pray that never happens. 

My perspective of death as a whole changed completely once I got married.

Then when we had our child it was like a rug was pulled out from underneath me. 

My life changed so much and not until now have I actually really thought of the fact that I could really die 'early' or young. 

I'm blaming Pandora for playing some really sad songs but in reality, this is a big deal. 

I have been crying for the last twenty or so minutes thinking of the possibility that I could die any day. 

What have I accomplished? 

What will my child think of me when he's older?

Who will help my husband? 

Who will help my child? 

I'm officially scared of what will happen to them if I pass away. 

Lord, I pray that you protect my family and myself from death but if it is our time, then I ask you to protect those who are left behind. Keep them safe and remind them of those lost. 

In your holy name,

Amen

This life isn't guaranteed. This next breath of air, the next beat of your heart or the blink of your eyes.
Life everyday to the fullest and thank our Creator everyday for his amazing accomplishments. 

Was I a bigger Witch with a B in high school than I thought??

I'm starting to think so!
So I deleted a ton of people off of every social networking site I had my name plastered across about a year after I got married. I was one of the few from my graduating class who got married at such a young age -- I was 22. And waited to have kids -- I became pregnant with our gummy bear at 23 had him at 24.
I also didn't attend graduation. I went to summer school to boost my grades up in two classes I seriously almost failed. Worked my butt off and passed with flying colors.

After high school I seriously only talked to a handful of friends but everyone from my graduating class wanted to be friends so I added them and acted like we were "friends". I started being asked to attend parties and go out and "hang" with these people who I pretty much ignored my entire high school "career". Sorry for all of the quotations but honestly if I was talking to you right now, you would understand and hear my quotes while I spoke.
Anyways. We had a graduating class of maybe 250? Not sure, wasn't there and didn't care. I hung out with my friends from another school as much as I could. The school district was the type that the parents all bought their kids new sports cars for their 16th birthday and when I went to visit my friends, there was always a new BMW with a HUGE bow on the top outside of the school.

Man I loved that school and I didn't even attend. My friends did, and my boyfriend at the time did also. The teachers knew me better than my own and I even hung out there to do homework with friends. I hated my school and it was obvious.

Now that we are coming up on our 10 year anniversary for our graduating class I'm kinda nervous. I'm actually freaking out because honestly I don't talk to anyone. Yeah there are a few that I converse with on Facebook every once and a while but we aren't buddy buddy. We don't text, write emails share photos or jokes that is all LONG gone.
I told my husband that I wouldn't be surprised if I wasn't invited to my 10 year and he laughed because he doesn't want to go to his.

Anyways back to me being a witch with a b.

I was rude to these people. More like I would ignore them. The last guy I dated from my high school I left him for the other guy at the other school because he wasn't needy. That and the "new" bf didn't go crying to my mother while I was at work. That was just weird. Smh...

So I seriously lit my bridges on fire and made it pretty much impossible to build them back. I have tried to add a few people back but no response. The ones who have added me back have been ones who really only knew me a little bit and are curious where I have been for the last almost 10 years or are too drunk to even care.

Gotta start someplace right?

One reason I don't want to go back is because I'm afraid I haven't done enough. I started writing out everything I've done since then and here is what I have.

Traveled up and down the east coast
Traveled to Germany and Austria
Road trip a couple of times with different groups of friends
Lose those friends because of a older jerk of a guy who was actually less mature than the friends :/
Started college for psychology
Realized that psychology isn't for me because I become too attached to the patient
Started working in Optometry... maybe a good career for me?
Travled to Florida again to meet up with my close friend I had known for 9 years
Travel to DC to visit said close friend
Close friend proposes becoming my hunky fiancé
Marry awesome guy a few months after we start dating
Move to DC with new husband and new dog and try to make sense of this thing called 'marriage'
Land a pretty cool job that I move up in pretty quickly
We're PREGNANT!!!
Get news we are moving across the country to Sin City.... yay?
Have a 10.8lb child who is just shy of two feet via c-section-- life threatening stuff happens
Move to Vegas a month after baby is born
Become a stay at home mommy
Finally start back to school after all of these years out of school and feel lost, fulfilled and happy.
I want to be a doctor.

Looking at that list it doesn't look good enough to me.
I always dream of going to that reunion saying hi and then saying something profound, wearing some overly priced pair of heals and some stunning dress with my hair put up perfect. Then walking out with my husband's arm around my waist off to our rental for the weekend with our kids sleeping soundly and our nanny out on the porch listening to the sound of the summer night.

Yeah that's not reality. Not right now. Maybe in a few years but not right now. Maybe just in time for the reunion but why? Why do I need to have such a vivid picture to make myself feel better about going to this reunion? I had to look back at my good old Xanga!! Oh you know what it is! It's the thing before myspace. The thing that you had to PAY to upload photos. Yup that thing. Brings you back to the aol dial up era huh?  Crazy bull crap there.

That thing was FULL of stuff. I used that thing as a diary. Unpublished posts seriously made me cry and remember what I went through during that time. It wasn't that everyone was mean, or said crap about me. It was that no one said anything. I went out with a football player and honestly that gave me popularity. One of the other guys on the team seemed to like me also. And it went on from there. I was the good girl who didn't get into trouble but liked to go out with friends and have fun. I went to church EVERY Sunday and sang on stage.

What did I do? I started getting deeper. I went through an extreme depression after my grandfather passed away. Heartbreaking agonizing pain. I blocked everyone out my senior year. That's when it happened. I went to dances, I attended all the school functions but just to keep my head above water. I wanted nothing to do with the people in that school because I felt alone. I was hurting and no one knew nor cared and how could they? They didn't know me. I expected them to KNOW the pain I was in. I was naive. Now I know the real reason that people from my school won't add or connect with me. It's all because I refused to connect with them. I have nothing to do with any of the people from the other school so I'm like a floating feather, praying that I will found solid ground to lay upon.

During my depression I became crazy. I remember for my graduation party I went out drinking at a friend from another school's house of course. Big bon fire and lots of good beer that his father made in the basement. I knew those people. They were my friends. People I could count on yet they were so far away. I wouldn't give up those days for the world yet I wouldn't relive them because it was such a dark time in my life.

Now, I look at my husband, and my son and of course our pup and I am blessed. Even if I am invited to my class reunion and really don't have much to say and I'm not as gorgeous as I want to be and I don't have a nanny and a rental on the lake... I'm happy with my life, right now, in this exact moment and every moment after. I am happy. Don't get me wrong though, I will be walking into that banquet hall or whatever it is wearing some fabulous dress and heals!!
No way in HELL this momma an't going to be looking hot and yummy!

As for me being a witch with a B... I totally was and it was worth it! I don't want to be associated with half of the people I went to school with. The other half, I'll pick n choose from them ;)

Tata for now y'all!

AHHHH I GIVE UP!!!

I feel like that EVERY day during nap time! I had a schedule going really well for a while.

8am -- Jerm wakes up, potty, breakfast, clean up, fold laundry with momma, downstairs to play

10am -- Snack time

11am -- Quiet time and or nap time (Mommy cleans, works on homework, down time)

1pm -- Lunch 

1:30- 4pm -- Arts and crafts, music time, story time, playtime, etc.

3pm -- Snack time

4pm -- Mommy starts dinner; self lead play

5pm -- Daddy comes home from work

6-7pm -- Dinner time

7:30-8:30pm -- Bath time, relax, lots of books and snuggles

9pm -- Bed time

What my schedule has looked like since my father in law came to visit almost a month ago (Not blaming you dad!!). I should also mention my husband was home for two weeks and that really screwed everything up.

7-9am -- Wake up

10am -- Eat after 20 mins of tantruming

11am -- "Lord please let him go down for a NAP!!!"

Noon -- Mommy is falling asleep in the recliner, Jerm refuses to eat lunch

1pm -- "Please eat!" "OOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" (no in Jerm)

1:30pm -- 20 mins of ear piercing screams because he is way over tired and refused to eat but is now using it as an excuse to get out of his rom. Finally today as in August 23rd, 2013 I realized that I can give my son a few books and open his curtains (not the blinds) a little and he will read himself to sleep. 

Thank you LORD!!!!

2-4pm wake up from nap demanding to eat and only eat half just in time for daddy to walk in the door to wonder why the house is a mess and why I'm rocking in the corner I am standing like a statue with a frying pan in my hand. 

9-midnight is his bedtime and well that's why I've been so darn tired!

Tonight WILL be a different story. After he wakes from his lovely two hour nap (That I will be cleaning during, except now because I'm writing a lovely blog entry :) 

we will be going to the park in our development and he will be able to climb and jump and slide and we will bring the bat and ball and he can do whatever he darn well pleases while I sit on the side with a homemade frappuccino taking photos and praying for some sort of tan :)

With that said, I am tired. I also need to buy a new blender because using a mini food processor as a blender is so much work!!! I end up having to make 5 separate "mixes" of the delish drink. 

Grocery List for tonight:

Blender

Chocolate Syrup

Carmel Syrup

Ice Cube Trays with lids 

So I am all about trying to save a dollar or two. Although I'm not a big coupon person if I see something in our "garbage" mail I clip it and stick it in my wallet and try to remember to use it. Well, I am challenging myself to start using coupons because a. I want to save more money, and b. I just bought a new printer for a really awesome price if I do say so myself! Too bad I had it for a week before I figured out how in the heck to connect it to WiFi but hey, I'm not perfect nor are you so don't judge.

Anyways, I'm looking for great deals on clothes, organic/natural foods, and so on. If you know me in "real life" you would know that my family is trying to live the most natural life as possible. Some times though we need bleach or more often than not we eat out. 

When we eat out we try to pick the healthiest places to eat or eat the healthiest thing on the menu. So if we are going to In n Out, I will get a burger protein style. Which essentially is everything but the bun and it's all wrapped in lettuce. 

So I'm challenging myself and you out there in blogger land, to find coupons and use them to help you eat healthier! Even if that means eating a burger without a bun ;)

Tata for now!

Careers, jobs and everything in between...

Today I started really getting myself ready to find a real job. A full time, need a nanny, buy another car, pack your lunch kinda job.
I have been a stay at home wife and mom for almost three years. Revamping a resume that hasn't really been touched in over two years was kind of surreal. I ended up looking over bank statements and looking at old photos of happy hour and parties at our old apartment in northern VA.
I loved that life. But I'm not there anymore. I'm not just a wife. Not just an employee anymore. I am a darn awesome wife, mom, student, and completely different than who I was three years ago.
My priorities where about going out to five star restaurants for LUNCH. As though I was going to Panara Bread. I never looked at prices on clothes, or food when grocery shopping. All I knew was if my grocery bill was under $300 at Whole Foods I was golden. I paid way too much for a car that was worth way less because honestly I needed the car at the time and it was "perfect". Darn you interest rates!!!

Now I pinch pennies and spend the minimum amount at the grocery store, I try to use coupons when I can and I make most of every and anything I can. Heck I have been reusing fabric from old clothes to make new things. This owl is one of them :)

So going back to work full time should be different now, right?

I am going to be buying a new-ish vehicle, but this time I know what I want and the rate I am willing to pay.

I will probably still be going out to eat, but I won't be eating five star anymore.

Clothing, this is one area that I really didn't have much control over when working as a manager. The doctor's office I worked for only allowed black, white and grey. You could wear color but only for your accessories. So I'm praying that I find a job that will allow business casual and colors. Please Lord give me a job that let's me look alive and not like I belong in a funeral procession. 

I'm just ready for this next step in my life. Although I really want another baby, and I really want to homeschool my son. Right now I need to get out of the house and make money. So unless some magical job allows me to stay home and make money, I will be getting ready in the morning and dropping off my son at daycare/school. 

I honestly think this wouldn't be such an issue if we lived someplace I considered safe. Even in VA I felt safer than I do here. I honestly believe that Virginia is home to me. I didn't grow up there but I did start my life with my husband there. I made a good amount of friends and our family was close enough to drive back home {Upstate New York} for the weekend on one tank of gas. {Did I say I miss that old car? Well I do.} To visit family in Florida was a 14 hour drive or a 1.5 hour flight that cost less than our cell phone bill every month. Further yes, but honestly a hell of a lot cheaper STILL!!

Days like today make me hate the military with every ounce of my being. 

Till next time,

Tata ya'll!

I've got to be real

I feel as a military spouse that I really don't have the option to be real, to be who I really am. I've been married for about 5 1/2 years to a great man and I feel as though once I married I started loosing parts of who I was. 

I lost my home, my "hangout" of upstate NY. My friends and family also all lived there. 

My job that I knew had potential for becoming a great career and actually made me want to go back to school for medical. 

My life changed for the better though right? 

I was married to the love of my life, moved to our nations capital and was about to take on a whole new way of life! 

I started a new job less than a month after getting married and moving to a whole new city!! 

Another optical job that led to more possibilities and allowed for another manager position. 

Then came our son, right before the option of managing my own store. But not before being told that we would be moving across the country to Las Vegas. 

Wow. 

Please imagine for a moment my life. 

In two short years I got married, moved to another state in a big city, moved myself up to become a manager and be offered a store of my own, find out we are pregnant and months into pregnancy find out we are moving only weeks after the baby is born. 

And now my husband has decided that he wants to go for a specific type of schooling that will only allow us to move to specific places which means I will most likely be following his civilian career around also. 

This honestly may seem so stupid to so many but for me as a military spouse who misses her family so much and was homesick only being eight hours away (drive time) and is now days apart. I'm sad, scared and disappointed that we will most likely not be picking where we will be living based on the quality of life but rather it will be based on my husband's career choice again. 

His response is always "that's life". My response "find a career that will actually pay and that will allow us to move wherever. Please and thanks."  

Last thing that I feel makes me sound rude but its truthful and from my heart and not made to sound as it does. 

I want another child. I want another child that I will grow in me, one that I will feel kick, one that I can try to birth naturally, one that will be my blood and also one that will be blood to Jerm. I want my child to have a blood sibling. Don't get me wrong I think that adoption is awesome and I applaud everyone that adopts and I eventually want to adopt a child but I have always wanted at least two of my own children. Two of mine. I hated being an only child and I wanted a sibling so freaking bad. I had step siblings and I had nothing in common with them. I want that dynamic that involves my own children. 

I feel like I would be missing something if I didn't have two of my own children. Does that make me a bad person? I sure hope not because I want another child and I feel as though my Father in heaven will give me that child. I feel as though he wants me to have that child. To allow me to have that amazing feeling that birthing a child the way he created it to happen and nursing and caring for that child just as I have Jeremiah. 

It's not wrong to want another and those who say otherwise are normally idiots whom have never had kids and probably never will. 

I feel like my husband has decided this for me just like he has decided our future. Without my thoughts because its his opinion. I pray for my future child just as much as I pray for Jerm. As much as I pray for my husband and as much as I pray for my marriage and family. 

I also pray that we will end up in a community that our children will thrive and be happy and safe in. In a home that will provide safety, and shelter and some land to grow healthy fruits and vegetables for my loving family. I also pray that is there is a way for me to stay home with our children and work from home to help provide but also allow for me to homeschool. 

There is so much I pray for. To me it's so much but there is nothing too big for our Lord!! 

Honesty is key. Having my husband understand how I feel and how I feel about a situation is key. 

Till then, 

Ta-ta y'all!!