What the heck? Why am I so gloomy?

So gloomy lately!

I have had some people who have said they were my "friends" block, delete, and talk about me behind their backs.
It's quite upsetting to have this happen. I don't think I'm a bad person, I actually have been told that I am very kind, and loving but when it comes to military spouses... Yikes!
I don't know what I do but man, I drop them quick!

Honestly, I'm glad that the one person who 'dropped' me actually did that. She had been talking about her friends behind their backs to me the last time we hung out, then the next day she was having dinner with them. Warning sign much?

The others, I could care less. I don't need drama in my life. I have enough in our house with our new baby blue/gold macaw (I haven't been on in a while huh?), our two dogs, my husband and our son. That's enough to handle along with school, and the search for a job that will pay enough to be worth my time.

So I don't make friends or keep them easily. It sucks. I agree with my husband when he says that we just need to get out of the military and plant ourselves someplace and go from there. We aren't military material. I thought I would be until I moved to DC and then out here to Vegas.
This crap is hard!!! The ladies I befriended in DC made it look so darn easy!

If you really want to make friends with military spouses, hang out on base or live there. But for me, I don't like base, I avoid it at all costs and I don't really like military spouses because they tend to be flakey. Especially if they live on base. Don't get me wrong, I have met a couple ladies who are so kind and they live on base but they moved. (See my problem here???)

My gosh.

So I was sitting in my living room the other day, folding laundry and I was thinking of how cool it would be to start a YouTube channel. Our life is pretty interesting even on a mundane day like Monday. Let's see today (as in yesterday, aka Monday) I had to hand feed the bird, wash the puppy who decided that tipping over the bird formula and then rolling in said formula would be a great idea, I cleaned up said formula and made more while my three year old was yelling that he had to go to the bathroom while standing right. outside. the. door. of said bathroom.

Then our oldest dog was crying because she couldn't get her bone out from underneath the couch, my husband called to tell me that he forgot something but he didn't know what it was so to be prepared to look for unknown item, the garden/clean up guys came to 'garden' our non-exsistant back yard which btw will be covered in rocks after this weekend (yay for the landlord finally listening).

We also had someone else's package delivered to us, my son asked 1000000000000000000 questions in 2 seconds and expected proper answers to every. single. question.

And I wrote a 10 page paper in 4 hours!

Oh heck yes!

Happy Monday everyone!!

PS... I started doing core exercises again.
PSS. My belly looks like it has blown up thanks to said exercises :(

Style

Well I can't figure out how to get my photos to look pretty so deal with this layout. 

Anyways...

Let's talk about style!! I don't really have one anymore but finally I am getting down to a smaller size and I am starting to feel more comfortable in my body again. {I'll never be used to the stretch marks though} I have been looking around at clothes online and trying to get an idea of what I should buying so I can actually have clothes to wear again. Clothes that don't look like I stole from a homeless person. These are a few photos of what I used to dress like. Before my beautiful {but rather large} child took my body hostage for 10 months. I have been organi-

zing photos to delete, print and so on for the last couple months {yup I have THAT many photos. Don't judge} and even though it's a great way to walk down memory lane it's also hard to see myself in a mostly toned body. Makes me want to go and run 20 miles and pray to God that I lost at least 5 pounds.
Exercise, good eating habits, sleep and staying hydrated are key to maintaining a healthy body weight. Sadly I do not exercise nearly enough and with a three year old you would think I'm running all around but out here, we are mostly inside year round. Not by choice though. Soon
my son will be in prek and will be doing sports

 and so forth. I want to be the mom that is running with him every day while he practices for his big
game against some rival town. I have to stop saying it and instead just jump on the bandwagon and
get my rear in gear!!!

Back to style...

I need new clothes. My walmart duds aren't cutting it anymore. So I think I'm going to stick with the styles in these photos. Light sweaters, tank tops, jeans, add some skirts in, some pretty flawy dresses and some nice trousers and blouses. Did I say I am looking for a full time job?

Oh yeah... I am. I think getting myself back out in the world and working again will help bring back my self esteem and really force me to get back to being Me!

I have quite a few places I want to put my resume into. I am quite excited to be going back to work. It will take me a while though. I have to organize working, going to school full time, being a wife, and a mom. Making sure that the housework gets done {hopefully I can hired someone}, make sure my child is getting the attention and love that he needs and deserves along with buying myself a new car to transport myself to and from work. Or at least pay for my husband to get a new car so that he will have something to drive and I will take the hybrid. Okay way to much talking about cars.
If anyone reads this, I ask that you pray for my family and myself. A job would help so much with paying off bills, help my overall well being, and allow for my family to live a better life.

It is most definitely scary though. I haven't worked a full time job in almost FOUR years!!  That is one heck of a long time to be away from the work force. It's time to get back into the real world again.

Until later,

Bye Bye Y'all!!!

Lou Auborn

My husband called me today from Florida where he is for the week for some very sad circumstances. His step father passed away this past weekend. My mother in law obviously is heartbroken and so is everyone else including myself. I stayed behind because it was the smart thing to do not only for the sake of my sanity but also for our financial well being.
We will be driving from Vegas to the Orlando Florida area in April. A two day drive with a three year old. Great.
He was a great man and he is already missed.

Lou Auborn 

4.27.1950 - 2.9.2014

I have dealt with far to much death in my life. By the time I was in high school I had been to at least one funeral a year, most of the time it was at least two. Lou is going to be cremated, and his ashes will be sealed inside of one of his favorite guitars. He is with our Heavenly Father right now playing in the Lord's band. I never got to know him as well as I should have. I knew he was a great father to my sister in law, and a very stern step father to my husband. He and my mother in law Tammy adopted four children. Three of which have mental disabilities and the oldest of the four that has made my husband so very very very VERY proud to call him his little brother.

My mil (mother in law) told my husband to tell me that anytime he spoke about me he called me his daughter. For me that meant the world that this man who I knew so little about loved me like his own, that just makes me so happy yet it makes me weep knowing that I will never get to talk to him and have a real conversation with him about his life.

My greatest fear is losing someone who has so much confidence in me and not knowing their story and them only knowing mine. 

Guess what? This has happened so many times in my life and I STILL have yet to learn! It's NOT about me, it's about those around me and how they have impacted MY life and made ME a better person.

I do not do good with emotion. I crumble, I try to retreat and hold it in and it does not work for me one bit. Especially when that emotion is so strong. So overwhelming. I just go numb.

I need answers when someone passes. Everything possible to understand what has actually happened. To grasp what has occurred and what the next step is. That's my closure after a good ugly cry THAT is how I heal.

Death sucks for those of us left here on earth. We are left to suffer and wish that those whom have left this earth were still here. We morn in different ways, throwing away the deceased's belongings, hoarding their belongings, staying in bed for days, going on vacation, selling the house, etc.

We all morn in some way shape or form. The numbness eventually goes away but our memories of them, their voice, their smell, a piece of clothing that was tucked away that pops up when you are cleaning. A picture, a letter, anything can trigger us to return to that place again.

My (step) father (in law), is in heaven. No doubt in my mind. He turned his life around and made it the way it should be. They are having a celebration of his life at the church that he helped set up a few years back. A celebration! He's in heaven dancing and playing his guitar! Enjoying eternity with our Father in heaven! It really is a celebration isn't it?

The Christian radio station out here called S.O.S Radio, which I'm pretty sure is everywhere, had a speaker whom came on and said this;

"This world is the only heaven that a non-believer will ever experience, and the only hell that a believer will endure."

That makes me so sad. When I tell someone about Jesus and they turn their cheek, it hurts me knowing that no matter how good they are, no matter how great of a friend they are, I will never see them in heaven. It hurts me. I just want all of my friends (and family) to find Christ and devote their lives to him.

Lou did that. He's up there right now and loving every moment of it.

Can't wait to see you again Lou! Say hi to my Nanna, Poppa, and all the rest of my family up there!

You aren't my mother

I thought I would take a moment to write about someone whom I have learned so much from, yet I want to be nothing like. My mother.

Honestly, I don't even call her my mother in informal conversation. To my friends and family she is known as ann. I have always, used to be a very positive person. The world does a number on you once you move out into the real world and deal with real world problems.

With that said, I used to be a very positive person. I had such amazing goals such as traveling the world, meeting a man with an interesting accent and traveling all over with him and our four children, he would be an writer and a artist and write novels with our family as the characters. It would be amazing! {Did you read that in an annoying magical voice? Good.}

Instead I found my perfect match with an Upstate NY accent, a love for the beach, and a member of our armed forces. Well two out of... Ah whatever. He's awesome and that's all that really matters.

Okay getting back to the real world like I outlined above. I learned a lot from ann. I learned that AA isn't someplace I want to be attending for the rest of my life so I should drink responsibly or not drink at all, unlike her. I learned that I needed to be honest with those around me and be loving and caring unlike her. I learned that I need to try my hardest and love my children, unlike her. I learned that even though I unwillingly learned behaviors like yelling, having anger issues, and being depressed; I could and can overcome those issues, once again... unlike her.

Ann never wanted me. I could hear the emptiness when my father told me that in early 2013.

"I begged her to keep the baby. She had stopped drinking the moment she found out and had not been doing drugs for a while."

I was in awe.

"I told her we could get married. That after she had you she would just have to clean up her act and we could have a big wedding. I lied to her to keep you alive."

Wow. This person who hated me so much and who didn't want anything to do with her unborn child had so many issues herself that her only reason for keeping me was because my father, whom was in no way ready for a child either, who promised to marry her if she had the baby.

I asked my father about this after a year of therapy. My therapist wanted to know if there had been any physical abuse from my mother. From what my father knew, I had not been physically abused but I had been mentally abused, I had been exposed to things that I really shouldn't of been and so much more.

"She left you in your crib at 2 months old and left for work." My father tells me the story of my mother leaving me alone in the trailer my grandfather had bought for his only child... my mother. And how my father received a call from work from my mother who had to drive over a half an hour to work to call him to let him know that I was alone in my crib. He called my mother's father and step mom to go and pick me up from the trailer and then called the cops on her.

Wow how times have changed. The cops did nothing but give her a slap on the wrist, a stern warning.

This isn't a pity party. I am writing this to remind myself of the monster that gave birth to me did to me. A reminder of what I DO NOT want to be like. A blatant reminder that when I get upset and yell, I am doing the same thing as she did.

Keep your cool.

It's not that bad.

Breathe deep.

Hug him.

Love him.

Snuggle him.

He's still little.

Read him books.

Kiss his toes.

Teach him.

Do you get it?

My first memory that I can ever remember is living in that trailer. My bedroom door is locked, my mattress is on the floor, I have a dresser, and a small bin of toys. It's summer and it's so pretty outside, but I'm in my room and hungry.

I later found out that the first memory I can recall, my mother was getting high in the living room with her boyfriends and my dad wasn't allowed in the house. I was so hungry that I remember when my mother was passed out on the couch I would eat the butter from the butter dish on the kitchen table. Only a week or so would pass and I would be taken out of my mother's custody.

Thank you Lord for protecting me!!

Next memory I have of ann took place when she was in recovery. I spent my birthday in a hospital with my grandparents holding on to me while she stayed in her bed. What a mess. What a scary person. She looked evil to me. How could this person be my mother?

I blew out my candles and the memory disappears.

I must have been 6/7? That's when your memories start to become more vivid I believe. I can remember the smell of incense burning. It always made me sick. She had put a small bed in a closet with a window. It was my "room" even though I only stayed overnight that one time there. He was there. That vile man whom she wanted me to start calling dad because she was going to marry him. Sorry, no way was that going to happen.

I woke up to them yelling. He beat her and threw her down the stairs and dragged her out by her hair. I remember she was bleeding and once they were outside I ran down the stairs to her neighbor with the birds. I was shaking and crying. I called my Nanna and Poppa because I couldn't remember my phone number. I waited with the bird lady. I didn't see my mother for a long while after that.

Our brains are so very amazing. We remember the tiny details of our memories but can not remember the bigger picture. As a child I feel that it is a coping mechanism that allows us to feel secure about what we have experienced.

Living with ann was a horrible experience. The situation that occurred that forced me to live with her was quite simple. My father was getting married and he was moving away, and guess who didn't want to move with him? That's right. Me.

I moved in with ann my sophomore year of high school. She acted as though she had the one up on my father. She didn't. She had no idea what she was in for because I was NOTHING like her. I had boyfriends, some of which I wish I hadn't, I was very active in church but I was not doing good with school. The reason? I had no space to do anything. Ann moved us into a one bedroom apartment on the scary side of town on the one main road on that side also.
I got the bedroom and she slept on the couch. Our neighbors could see INTO our bathroom window when they walked down their outside stairs, so I wore a robe everywhere. Behind our crappy apartment was a drunk who's friends were always calling 911 because he was passed out in his chair.

I was always being locked out of the apartment, told to go find someplace else to stay for the night and constantly on my tiptoes around her. I look at the house my husband and I rent today and I am in tears thinking how much better our son has it than I did a short 12 years ago.

After a year of living in a tiny cramped apartment we moved into a weird work trailer turned apartment. I had my own bedroom and bathroom all to myself, for the most part anyways. In that apartment she started accusing me of smoking pot, and doing drugs while she was away at work. She worked 3pm-11pm every night. My grandmother said it perfectly, "It was as though she wanted to you around just so she could claim you on her taxes. That's the only reason she wanted you." She meant that kindly believe me. She was right though. Every tax season we would go and I would have to sit there so she could claim me on her taxes. Happy for the tax break and extra money.

My senior year, my grandfather (her father) passed away. My world was turned upside-down. I was a wreck and so lost and confused. I skipped classes, I just didn't go to school some days. So it happened, I was called into the principles office and was given in school suspension for two weeks. I gave up. All I wanted was for someone to help me. That was the most depressing time in my life. I wanted to end it but I didn't.

I didn't walk the stage for graduation. Even the three girls who where pregnant walked the stage. Not me. I sat at the structure I called my home and sobbed for hours while my mother was at work.

I lived with her from 2003-2006. Summer of 2006 I left her apartment because of a confrontation that occurred about money. Go figure. I moved in with my father, whom had moved back to NY after his separation from his now ex-wife.

I went from living in a smoke filled run down apartment with no food and no support system, back to a home. My father didn't have much so I paid him rent and went to college. I paid my bills and did the right thing. I stayed out of trouble and I'm so glad I did. Because my father allowed me to move in with him even after I had chosen ann way back when, I married the man of my dreams (even though he can be a little jerky here and there) and I am working my way to becoming the woman I want to be.

she can't hold me down anymore. she has no control over me or my life. she will NEVER meet my children and will NEVER be allowed to hurt me EVER again!!!

Ephesians 6:2
"Honor thy mother and father."

I am honoring her by implementing what she has unknowingly taught me. she has taught ME to not be afraid of her. To be ME and to be better than I could ever imagine. That I don't need to flaunt my body to get what I want. That drugs, alcohol and anything else that impairs ones judgment is wrong. That God is the only one that can get you through everything and that even though she said I would never amount to anything, I have done more in my short life than she has in her 50+years.

I will treat my child with respect, teach him well, love him, care for him and work on yelling and being angry. I will spend more time with him and look at things from his perspective. I will continue to work on me, and remember that the issues I have are all learned and it will take time to unlearn them.

And most of all, I will love my husband with all of my heart.
I will show my children what a Godly, functioning marriage looks like. <

As military members we kinda live in a bubble...

Happiness!!!

So our world has once again been flipped UPSIDE down. Our lovely government is cutting half of the Air Force. And... my husband's job is one of the many who are up for separation. 

How Lovely... 

So we are making the best of it looking at potential homes, searching for jobs, childcare, healthcare (no thank you, I will not voluntarily enroll in obamacare), etc. This isn't easy. Life isn't easy. We would be starting all over! 

We have a lot of friends who aren't in the military saying, "it won't be that bad! You will just be switching jobs!" 

Yes, because switching jobs is ever easy. Especially when you have bills that don't just stop when you stop using them ex: our $500 car payment! Or our $150 cell phone bill that will rise up to over $200 once our discount from the military is taken away, or our credit card bill from the car wreck last year that they didn't give enough to even cover half (Thanks NEVADA for your STUPID laws! We didn't even cause the crash and the other guy made out STILL).

In all reality it would be like becoming an orphan. But that's what happens when your entire savings is drained to take care of emergencies. 

There is an upside to all of this though. We would be near family! Our son would grow up at least knowing some family rather than knowing them from a screen, or a picture frame. The first couple years would be HELL. And that's fine because we have Our Lord God there to help us along the way. We would have to rent but we wouldn't have to move out of state every 4 years unless we wanted. We could start over fresh in a new city and make friends with people that could be our friends forever. 

Did you know that majority of military that own their own home do not reside in the same state as that home? And usually the house is purchased within the second half of the tour at that location? 

I have multiple friends who have 1, 2, and even some have 3 homes all in different states. It does become a income property if you are able to rent it to someone who isn't going to wreck it. We live in a military member's home. He has NEVER even step foot onto the property. He bought it while living in Virginia (where we met him), moved to Japan, and now is in Hawaii. He's owned this property for over 6 years and never seen it. Crazy huh? 

So? What is our decision? I've heard that so many times in the last two weeks. We don't know. We love the idea of getting out and using the money to pay off all of our credit cards. But we still will have other bills that need to be taken care of also. We also want to stay in. The healthcare, the discounts, the job security (even though it's being taken away) and so on. We aren't done with school. We have too much debt and so much more. 

As military members we kinda live in a bubble. Which is why my husband and I have always decided to live off base and try to befriend those who aren't military. We have tried to keep a "civilian" lifestyle. My son and I go off base for all of our care, we pay copays for medication, and we live life as close to a "civilian" life that we can. 

These and so many more, are the reasons that single veterans have such a hard time integrating themselves back into society. 

Finding your place in a world that you haven't actively participated in, in years is sooooo difficult. So many older veterans are homeless and have no family because they divorced while in the service and their families forgot them, they moved on, they didn't understand. 

I won't allow that to happen to my family. I will do my best to make sure that my husband transitions to this "new world" that we haven't been apart of in years! 

Here's to the New Year and possibly a very large change in our life! 

God Bless Y'all!

Traditional College? Say what?!?!?

Smile! I'm not in "traditional" college and I LOVE it!!

I have just realized that I probably would have NEVER survived traditional college. 

As I'm typing this, I sit in my super plush yet firm queen sized bed (it's easier to move with the military), with all of my blankets around me, my amazing pup Maggie-May at my feet, my fan blowing perfectly in my direction and my skeet shooting ear protection on. 

I am comfortable and I can't hear anything going on downstairs, which is why I keep my phone on vibrate next to my leg. 

I totally would NOT have been happy going away to college and staying in a dorm for even a year!

Even in high school I had my room perfect, everything in it's place and the ONLY way I could study is if it was completely silent. 

Thankfully in school you take all of your tests in a room with people who AREN'T talking but none the less.

I recently spoke to a younger family member on the phone while she was in her dorm studying. We talked for about an hour and a half and it was a little after supper time. She had grabbed food from the cafeteria and went back to her dorm to study. 

As we spoke it was clear as to why she studied during peak eating hours. 

It was SOOOO LOUD!

Her dorm was considered to be "quiet" and because she didn't partake in drinking she rarely did anything during the school week. 

I felt so bad for her. 

She told me this; "If I had known how loud and obnoxious it was going to be, I wouldn't have chose dorm life. I would have gotten a place off campus and would have saved so much money in the long run." 

Her and her roommate are two peas in a pod so they have signed up for off campus apartments for the  coming year and may actually be able to move in spring semester. They are both ready to go and have their parents ready to drive over with furniture and household goods for them. 

College is scary enough. Add in loud nights were you can't study, and small dorm rooms it's a combination for a bad year. 

My family member told me that her roommate and her had already purchased fabric on sale to make curtains, pillows and table coverings. 

I think I would have been in the same situation as her if I had gone to a "traditional" college. 

Lucky for her, her "off campus" housing is closer to the cafeteria than her dorm, which means she's going to keep her meal plan and just stock up on food when she goes! How awesome is that??

Love my gun range earmuffs :)

My Life is REALLY a gift from God above!!

First I should say that we had an amazing New York vacation!! 

It made me realize that we don't need to search for a place to call home once we are done with the military because Upstate Ny IS home!

It was so cold there and we ALL got sick (because of the cold) but it was HOME.

Jeremiah had so much fun being with our family and opened up so darn quick! 

Our next step is to get back there as soon as possible! 

So now that we have been home for a couple of days, I'm sick like usual. I'm so thankful I wasn't sick there. I am so glad I was able to enjoy our two week break from hell (vegas). 

Please keep our family in prayer that we will be able to move either back home for good with decent jobs or that we can move back close enough to drive with really good jobs.

My dad (saba), my grandmother (oma), my aunts and uncles, my cousins, our friends, they all loved having us there. With Jeremiah and whatever future children we may have I know that we can depend on them being there for support, more support than we have had the entire time out here. 

Not saying that we don't have a support group here but really it is not the strongest group ever. 

So, we got a new puppy! His name is Cooper and he is a yorkie-poo! 

He's a spunky little guy but he fits quite well with our family!!

We got him in Ny at the same place we got our Maggie almost 6 years ago!

We are so happy to have him, even though Maggie is still the queen pup. ;)

So tonight something amazing happened. 

My husband who really didn't want to be a father this young; did something so astounding that I had tears in my eyes!

He had brought up Jeremiah's fish tank up to his room because he's afraid of the air vent on the ceiling and the fish help him sleep thanks to the light on their tank. 

Anywho, I heard him come upstairs while I was getting ready for bed so I knew that he was situating the tank on Jerm's dresser. 

I walk quietly up to the door and peek in and I see him laying in bed next to our son and he tells him;

"You are safe as long as I am here. Mommy is safe, BunBun (stuffed rabbit) is safe, Maggie is safe and Cooper is safe. As long as I am here you have nothing to worry about buddy."

To many, that would just be sweet. Awwws and how cutes and so on. 

To me, it means the world!

My husband has always had a hard time figuring out his role as a dad. His dad wasn't in his life the way that he is in our son's life. His dad is an amazing dad but his parents divorced before he could even roll over, so sometimes he is overwhelmed by everything that is thrown his way when it comes to parenting. 

(I'm not much better considering my mother was and is a deadbeat who didn't want me in the first place. So I've learned as much as I can from interacting with moms who I see as role models. Books, and using my "motherly intuition")

I think I have said this before but we have so many marks against us for our marriage, raising children and just living our lives to the fullest; so anytime something like this happens, I'm overjoyed! It reminds me how deeply our Lord has blessed us. 

No matter how hard we may have it at times (which honestly isn't that hard), and no matter how complicated our lives are out here in Vegas.

We are blessed with this AMAZING gift from the Lord!

I feel so LOVED when I hear my husband reading scripture, or saying the kindest things to our son or when he does something to HELP me around the house that honestly he doesn't have to do. 

Blessings from above, are life's biggest treasures!

&

Money can only buy so much, all of the rest comes from those who are worth more than their weight in gold. 

I really hope your Thanksgiving was a happy one! While back home we visited with my family and then visited with my inlaws whom drove up to Ny from Fl to visit with us!

It was an amazing trip even with all of us sick at the end of the trip. 

I also made a small thanksgiving dinner this past saturday because honestly, we didn't get any leftovers and that really is one of the best parts!

Hopefully I will be feeling better so our huge Christmas tree can go up along with the decorations for the house (nothing to fancy!). 

Well y'all! You all have a great night, until next time!!

3 years!!

My goodness!! 

My gummy bear was born three years ago today!! Okay so more like tonight at 9:47pm but still, I am in awe. 

These last three years have been an adventure that's for sure.

I can't wait to see what the coming years with our little bug will be like :)

Today/yesterday, I was sick. I still am and I should be sleeping but I have massive amounts of writing to finish and I haven't really done much of it yet. I will get there. 

I have just been so emotional about Jerm's birthday that I haven't been able to concentrate. 

My hubby was unable to get the day off so instead, if it's nice enough, we will be walking down to the park to play or maybe go to the museum. 

{I wonder if they do something for a child's birthday???}

After hubbsey gets home we are going straight to dinner at APPLEBEE'S, only because that is Jerm's fave restaurant.

{My 2… 3 year old is spoiled}

After that we are going to the toy store to pick up his new bike and helmet. 

It was a toss up between a bike and one of those cars that they can ride around in but we are getting the car for Christmas instead. At least that way he will have some time with the bike till it gets super cold!

Brrrrrrrrrr….

It's already chilly here :(

So wanna know something gross?? We completely forgot about our HVAC vent filter and hadn't changed it in over 5 months. It was SO gross. But now our house smells fresh and clean again! Guess who won't forget to change it next time? Oh that's right me! I wrote it Everywhere!! 

My phone, all three calendars and even on our reminder boards! 

I really want to start vlogging. My husband thinks it's stupid but honestly, I think it's awesome! Document your life every day and try to put info out there to help others! 

What do you think? Do you think our family would be interesting enough to vlog about? 

What about when we decide to add another little one to our family? 

That should be happening soon, as long as I get my body a bit healthier. 

Gotta get back into shape. I wonder if I documented my workout progress that I would actually do it daily, rather than just saying I would? 

Might as well find out huh? Guess I need to go and buy a new sim card and batteries tomorrow then :)

Laters Y'all!!

What if You where to leave this world "early"?

As a believer in Christ, I don't think we die early or late or whatever. We die when our Lord says it's time. 

I have lost so many family members while growing up and even as an adult. My heart hurt if the family member hadn't given their life over to Christ. The thought that they most likely wouldn't be in heaven when I left this earth made me sad. It hurt my heart. 

With that said, the family that passed away who I knew where believers and repented their sins, I know I will see them in heaven one day. 

But when will that be?

As a young child I always felt as though I would leave this earth early. I have never been scared of this, not for me anyways, but for my family yes. 

I am now a wife and a mother. The thought of me leaving this earth right now scares me so badly. The thought that my husband would be left here to take care of our son and for our son to not have his mommy scares me so much. 

I know it's different but I didn't have my mother when I was growing up, not because she had died but because she was not a good person and still to this day she is not a good person. 

I worry about my husband being overwhelmed, of not having enough to move forward for our son by himself. 

I worry that he wouldn't remarry, which I honestly would want him to do if he felt that he was ready or able. 

I worry about our son, and what would happen to him. 

Would how I die determine how he feels about me, his father or himself? 

Would he reject Our Lord? 

I pray that never happens. 

My perspective of death as a whole changed completely once I got married.

Then when we had our child it was like a rug was pulled out from underneath me. 

My life changed so much and not until now have I actually really thought of the fact that I could really die 'early' or young. 

I'm blaming Pandora for playing some really sad songs but in reality, this is a big deal. 

I have been crying for the last twenty or so minutes thinking of the possibility that I could die any day. 

What have I accomplished? 

What will my child think of me when he's older?

Who will help my husband? 

Who will help my child? 

I'm officially scared of what will happen to them if I pass away. 

Lord, I pray that you protect my family and myself from death but if it is our time, then I ask you to protect those who are left behind. Keep them safe and remind them of those lost. 

In your holy name,

Amen

This life isn't guaranteed. This next breath of air, the next beat of your heart or the blink of your eyes.
Life everyday to the fullest and thank our Creator everyday for his amazing accomplishments. 

Was I a bigger Witch with a B in high school than I thought??

I'm starting to think so!
So I deleted a ton of people off of every social networking site I had my name plastered across about a year after I got married. I was one of the few from my graduating class who got married at such a young age -- I was 22. And waited to have kids -- I became pregnant with our gummy bear at 23 had him at 24.
I also didn't attend graduation. I went to summer school to boost my grades up in two classes I seriously almost failed. Worked my butt off and passed with flying colors.

After high school I seriously only talked to a handful of friends but everyone from my graduating class wanted to be friends so I added them and acted like we were "friends". I started being asked to attend parties and go out and "hang" with these people who I pretty much ignored my entire high school "career". Sorry for all of the quotations but honestly if I was talking to you right now, you would understand and hear my quotes while I spoke.
Anyways. We had a graduating class of maybe 250? Not sure, wasn't there and didn't care. I hung out with my friends from another school as much as I could. The school district was the type that the parents all bought their kids new sports cars for their 16th birthday and when I went to visit my friends, there was always a new BMW with a HUGE bow on the top outside of the school.

Man I loved that school and I didn't even attend. My friends did, and my boyfriend at the time did also. The teachers knew me better than my own and I even hung out there to do homework with friends. I hated my school and it was obvious.

Now that we are coming up on our 10 year anniversary for our graduating class I'm kinda nervous. I'm actually freaking out because honestly I don't talk to anyone. Yeah there are a few that I converse with on Facebook every once and a while but we aren't buddy buddy. We don't text, write emails share photos or jokes that is all LONG gone.
I told my husband that I wouldn't be surprised if I wasn't invited to my 10 year and he laughed because he doesn't want to go to his.

Anyways back to me being a witch with a b.

I was rude to these people. More like I would ignore them. The last guy I dated from my high school I left him for the other guy at the other school because he wasn't needy. That and the "new" bf didn't go crying to my mother while I was at work. That was just weird. Smh...

So I seriously lit my bridges on fire and made it pretty much impossible to build them back. I have tried to add a few people back but no response. The ones who have added me back have been ones who really only knew me a little bit and are curious where I have been for the last almost 10 years or are too drunk to even care.

Gotta start someplace right?

One reason I don't want to go back is because I'm afraid I haven't done enough. I started writing out everything I've done since then and here is what I have.

Traveled up and down the east coast
Traveled to Germany and Austria
Road trip a couple of times with different groups of friends
Lose those friends because of a older jerk of a guy who was actually less mature than the friends :/
Started college for psychology
Realized that psychology isn't for me because I become too attached to the patient
Started working in Optometry... maybe a good career for me?
Travled to Florida again to meet up with my close friend I had known for 9 years
Travel to DC to visit said close friend
Close friend proposes becoming my hunky fiancé
Marry awesome guy a few months after we start dating
Move to DC with new husband and new dog and try to make sense of this thing called 'marriage'
Land a pretty cool job that I move up in pretty quickly
We're PREGNANT!!!
Get news we are moving across the country to Sin City.... yay?
Have a 10.8lb child who is just shy of two feet via c-section-- life threatening stuff happens
Move to Vegas a month after baby is born
Become a stay at home mommy
Finally start back to school after all of these years out of school and feel lost, fulfilled and happy.
I want to be a doctor.

Looking at that list it doesn't look good enough to me.
I always dream of going to that reunion saying hi and then saying something profound, wearing some overly priced pair of heals and some stunning dress with my hair put up perfect. Then walking out with my husband's arm around my waist off to our rental for the weekend with our kids sleeping soundly and our nanny out on the porch listening to the sound of the summer night.

Yeah that's not reality. Not right now. Maybe in a few years but not right now. Maybe just in time for the reunion but why? Why do I need to have such a vivid picture to make myself feel better about going to this reunion? I had to look back at my good old Xanga!! Oh you know what it is! It's the thing before myspace. The thing that you had to PAY to upload photos. Yup that thing. Brings you back to the aol dial up era huh?  Crazy bull crap there.

That thing was FULL of stuff. I used that thing as a diary. Unpublished posts seriously made me cry and remember what I went through during that time. It wasn't that everyone was mean, or said crap about me. It was that no one said anything. I went out with a football player and honestly that gave me popularity. One of the other guys on the team seemed to like me also. And it went on from there. I was the good girl who didn't get into trouble but liked to go out with friends and have fun. I went to church EVERY Sunday and sang on stage.

What did I do? I started getting deeper. I went through an extreme depression after my grandfather passed away. Heartbreaking agonizing pain. I blocked everyone out my senior year. That's when it happened. I went to dances, I attended all the school functions but just to keep my head above water. I wanted nothing to do with the people in that school because I felt alone. I was hurting and no one knew nor cared and how could they? They didn't know me. I expected them to KNOW the pain I was in. I was naive. Now I know the real reason that people from my school won't add or connect with me. It's all because I refused to connect with them. I have nothing to do with any of the people from the other school so I'm like a floating feather, praying that I will found solid ground to lay upon.

During my depression I became crazy. I remember for my graduation party I went out drinking at a friend from another school's house of course. Big bon fire and lots of good beer that his father made in the basement. I knew those people. They were my friends. People I could count on yet they were so far away. I wouldn't give up those days for the world yet I wouldn't relive them because it was such a dark time in my life.

Now, I look at my husband, and my son and of course our pup and I am blessed. Even if I am invited to my class reunion and really don't have much to say and I'm not as gorgeous as I want to be and I don't have a nanny and a rental on the lake... I'm happy with my life, right now, in this exact moment and every moment after. I am happy. Don't get me wrong though, I will be walking into that banquet hall or whatever it is wearing some fabulous dress and heals!!
No way in HELL this momma an't going to be looking hot and yummy!

As for me being a witch with a B... I totally was and it was worth it! I don't want to be associated with half of the people I went to school with. The other half, I'll pick n choose from them ;)

Tata for now y'all!

AHHHH I GIVE UP!!!

I feel like that EVERY day during nap time! I had a schedule going really well for a while.

8am -- Jerm wakes up, potty, breakfast, clean up, fold laundry with momma, downstairs to play

10am -- Snack time

11am -- Quiet time and or nap time (Mommy cleans, works on homework, down time)

1pm -- Lunch 

1:30- 4pm -- Arts and crafts, music time, story time, playtime, etc.

3pm -- Snack time

4pm -- Mommy starts dinner; self lead play

5pm -- Daddy comes home from work

6-7pm -- Dinner time

7:30-8:30pm -- Bath time, relax, lots of books and snuggles

9pm -- Bed time

What my schedule has looked like since my father in law came to visit almost a month ago (Not blaming you dad!!). I should also mention my husband was home for two weeks and that really screwed everything up.

7-9am -- Wake up

10am -- Eat after 20 mins of tantruming

11am -- "Lord please let him go down for a NAP!!!"

Noon -- Mommy is falling asleep in the recliner, Jerm refuses to eat lunch

1pm -- "Please eat!" "OOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" (no in Jerm)

1:30pm -- 20 mins of ear piercing screams because he is way over tired and refused to eat but is now using it as an excuse to get out of his rom. Finally today as in August 23rd, 2013 I realized that I can give my son a few books and open his curtains (not the blinds) a little and he will read himself to sleep. 

Thank you LORD!!!!

2-4pm wake up from nap demanding to eat and only eat half just in time for daddy to walk in the door to wonder why the house is a mess and why I'm rocking in the corner I am standing like a statue with a frying pan in my hand. 

9-midnight is his bedtime and well that's why I've been so darn tired!

Tonight WILL be a different story. After he wakes from his lovely two hour nap (That I will be cleaning during, except now because I'm writing a lovely blog entry :) 

we will be going to the park in our development and he will be able to climb and jump and slide and we will bring the bat and ball and he can do whatever he darn well pleases while I sit on the side with a homemade frappuccino taking photos and praying for some sort of tan :)

With that said, I am tired. I also need to buy a new blender because using a mini food processor as a blender is so much work!!! I end up having to make 5 separate "mixes" of the delish drink. 

Grocery List for tonight:

Blender

Chocolate Syrup

Carmel Syrup

Ice Cube Trays with lids 

So I am all about trying to save a dollar or two. Although I'm not a big coupon person if I see something in our "garbage" mail I clip it and stick it in my wallet and try to remember to use it. Well, I am challenging myself to start using coupons because a. I want to save more money, and b. I just bought a new printer for a really awesome price if I do say so myself! Too bad I had it for a week before I figured out how in the heck to connect it to WiFi but hey, I'm not perfect nor are you so don't judge.

Anyways, I'm looking for great deals on clothes, organic/natural foods, and so on. If you know me in "real life" you would know that my family is trying to live the most natural life as possible. Some times though we need bleach or more often than not we eat out. 

When we eat out we try to pick the healthiest places to eat or eat the healthiest thing on the menu. So if we are going to In n Out, I will get a burger protein style. Which essentially is everything but the bun and it's all wrapped in lettuce. 

So I'm challenging myself and you out there in blogger land, to find coupons and use them to help you eat healthier! Even if that means eating a burger without a bun ;)

Tata for now!

Careers, jobs and everything in between...

Today I started really getting myself ready to find a real job. A full time, need a nanny, buy another car, pack your lunch kinda job.
I have been a stay at home wife and mom for almost three years. Revamping a resume that hasn't really been touched in over two years was kind of surreal. I ended up looking over bank statements and looking at old photos of happy hour and parties at our old apartment in northern VA.
I loved that life. But I'm not there anymore. I'm not just a wife. Not just an employee anymore. I am a darn awesome wife, mom, student, and completely different than who I was three years ago.
My priorities where about going out to five star restaurants for LUNCH. As though I was going to Panara Bread. I never looked at prices on clothes, or food when grocery shopping. All I knew was if my grocery bill was under $300 at Whole Foods I was golden. I paid way too much for a car that was worth way less because honestly I needed the car at the time and it was "perfect". Darn you interest rates!!!

Now I pinch pennies and spend the minimum amount at the grocery store, I try to use coupons when I can and I make most of every and anything I can. Heck I have been reusing fabric from old clothes to make new things. This owl is one of them :)

So going back to work full time should be different now, right?

I am going to be buying a new-ish vehicle, but this time I know what I want and the rate I am willing to pay.

I will probably still be going out to eat, but I won't be eating five star anymore.

Clothing, this is one area that I really didn't have much control over when working as a manager. The doctor's office I worked for only allowed black, white and grey. You could wear color but only for your accessories. So I'm praying that I find a job that will allow business casual and colors. Please Lord give me a job that let's me look alive and not like I belong in a funeral procession. 

I'm just ready for this next step in my life. Although I really want another baby, and I really want to homeschool my son. Right now I need to get out of the house and make money. So unless some magical job allows me to stay home and make money, I will be getting ready in the morning and dropping off my son at daycare/school. 

I honestly think this wouldn't be such an issue if we lived someplace I considered safe. Even in VA I felt safer than I do here. I honestly believe that Virginia is home to me. I didn't grow up there but I did start my life with my husband there. I made a good amount of friends and our family was close enough to drive back home {Upstate New York} for the weekend on one tank of gas. {Did I say I miss that old car? Well I do.} To visit family in Florida was a 14 hour drive or a 1.5 hour flight that cost less than our cell phone bill every month. Further yes, but honestly a hell of a lot cheaper STILL!!

Days like today make me hate the military with every ounce of my being. 

Till next time,

Tata ya'll!

I've got to be real

I feel as a military spouse that I really don't have the option to be real, to be who I really am. I've been married for about 5 1/2 years to a great man and I feel as though once I married I started loosing parts of who I was. 

I lost my home, my "hangout" of upstate NY. My friends and family also all lived there. 

My job that I knew had potential for becoming a great career and actually made me want to go back to school for medical. 

My life changed for the better though right? 

I was married to the love of my life, moved to our nations capital and was about to take on a whole new way of life! 

I started a new job less than a month after getting married and moving to a whole new city!! 

Another optical job that led to more possibilities and allowed for another manager position. 

Then came our son, right before the option of managing my own store. But not before being told that we would be moving across the country to Las Vegas. 

Wow. 

Please imagine for a moment my life. 

In two short years I got married, moved to another state in a big city, moved myself up to become a manager and be offered a store of my own, find out we are pregnant and months into pregnancy find out we are moving only weeks after the baby is born. 

And now my husband has decided that he wants to go for a specific type of schooling that will only allow us to move to specific places which means I will most likely be following his civilian career around also. 

This honestly may seem so stupid to so many but for me as a military spouse who misses her family so much and was homesick only being eight hours away (drive time) and is now days apart. I'm sad, scared and disappointed that we will most likely not be picking where we will be living based on the quality of life but rather it will be based on my husband's career choice again. 

His response is always "that's life". My response "find a career that will actually pay and that will allow us to move wherever. Please and thanks."  

Last thing that I feel makes me sound rude but its truthful and from my heart and not made to sound as it does. 

I want another child. I want another child that I will grow in me, one that I will feel kick, one that I can try to birth naturally, one that will be my blood and also one that will be blood to Jerm. I want my child to have a blood sibling. Don't get me wrong I think that adoption is awesome and I applaud everyone that adopts and I eventually want to adopt a child but I have always wanted at least two of my own children. Two of mine. I hated being an only child and I wanted a sibling so freaking bad. I had step siblings and I had nothing in common with them. I want that dynamic that involves my own children. 

I feel like I would be missing something if I didn't have two of my own children. Does that make me a bad person? I sure hope not because I want another child and I feel as though my Father in heaven will give me that child. I feel as though he wants me to have that child. To allow me to have that amazing feeling that birthing a child the way he created it to happen and nursing and caring for that child just as I have Jeremiah. 

It's not wrong to want another and those who say otherwise are normally idiots whom have never had kids and probably never will. 

I feel like my husband has decided this for me just like he has decided our future. Without my thoughts because its his opinion. I pray for my future child just as much as I pray for Jerm. As much as I pray for my husband and as much as I pray for my marriage and family. 

I also pray that we will end up in a community that our children will thrive and be happy and safe in. In a home that will provide safety, and shelter and some land to grow healthy fruits and vegetables for my loving family. I also pray that is there is a way for me to stay home with our children and work from home to help provide but also allow for me to homeschool. 

There is so much I pray for. To me it's so much but there is nothing too big for our Lord!! 

Honesty is key. Having my husband understand how I feel and how I feel about a situation is key. 

Till then, 

Ta-ta y'all!! 

Quarter of 7...

Short post...

My husband is confused by the phrase:

"Quarter of (insert hour here)."

Yet he is not confused by:

"Quarter after (hour)."

All because of the word after. 

I'm starting to believe that he really IS Canadian. 

Men confuse me. Especially the one I married. 

Hate this...

I hate changing my mind. But when I've prayed about something for weeks and God gives me an answer. I'm not stupid. I'm going to listen. 

The last month or two I've been debating whether or not optometry is a good fit for me and my family. It isn't. 

I've decided to switch to physician assistant. Now I know I could change my mind at any time to something else but that's fine. Maybe in the future I will still long for my doctorate. The only one who knows is God and I like it that way. 

So that's my news for today. Night night. 

WHY MACBOOK?!?!? WHY?!?!?!

Dear MacBookPro,

            Let’s make this easy okay? I switched to you because I knew how awesome Apple was compared to Microsoft. The ease of use paired with my iPhone, iPad and in the near future our iPad mini for Jerm, Mac desktop and maybe a Apple TV would be a overall amazing experience.

            No need for expensive antivirus, everything easy to use and that handy little bar at the bottom of my main screen with all of my most used programs only a click away.

            So, now that I have you and I have been using you for school, work and home use. Why do you hate me so? I bought you a beautiful case, I make sure that my toddler keeps his hands off of you and you still hate me.
            Today is a sad day MacBookPro. A very sad day. I had to turn to my handy dandy Microsoft pc so I could play a simple game of Sims (I love building the houses, don’t judge). You wouldn’t load the simple game and now, I cry.

            You also decided to update three times in a row and I couldn't use you for homework! I enjoy reading my very long and drawn out textbook on your dimly lit screen while listening to ocean waves on youtube while in bed snuggled up to my dog and my uber soft blankets. 

            Please redeem yourself from this and make tomorrow's two hour study session go smoothly!

Sincerely,

Your very lost owner

Ps. I totally love my Mac ;)

This is who I am...

I am:

A Follower of Jesus Christ. I believe in the old and New Testaments of the bible. I am not perfect and I need my Lords love and compassion. I have given my life to him and will be going to heaven. 

A married woman. My husband and I fight and argue but we also love, care and cherish each other and try to follow a biblically based marriage daily. 

With the help of The Lord I am able to be a submissive wife and allow my husband whom is head of our home and finances to do what he needs to do. I control the ongoings of the home and child rearing. 

Psalm 31

A mother, whom loves her child with all of her very being. I can not imagine my world without this little man who calls me "momma". 

A conservative. I do not have a political party because honestly I believe our government is so very corrupt and that neither side is better than the other. It starts with the state so I vote on whomever is closest to my beliefs. 

Crunchy. Think organic foods, cloth diapering, cleaning with baking soda and vinegar, breast feeding and having home births. The last one I may never be able to achieve but you know what I'm still for it. Natural is the way to go. Clean eating and healthy living is not only better for you but better for our environment. 

A nerd for the Sims, science and biology but hate math. Psychology and sociology are other favorite subjects of mine. 

A dreamer. I am constantly dreaming of what I can do to make my home look better and what our home will look like after we move back home. 

A crafter!! I love crafts and spiffing up the house to make it feel like a home rather than a rental or just another stop along the way while following the military. 

A student. I try my hardest to maintain a 4.0 gpa and plan to during the duration of my time in college. 

I hated high school. Too many distractions and too much drama. I take all my classes online until medical school. When I get to that point I will be in class on campus. 

A family person. I love my family. That includes my in laws and friends whom have become family and whom are even better than blood. Love them all! 

A fitness fanatic reinvented. I didn't work out very much during my pregnancy with Jerm which made me very overweight. After a very scary csection and lots of medication my body was so very messed up that I had to wait almost two years to feel comfortable working out again. I've slowly started getting back into a routine and plan to never get as big as I was before 235lbs was my weigh in the day we went to the hospital to be induced. NEVER again!!! 

A mommy who wants another baby so badly but I'm not sure I'm ready yet. I love my three person plus dog and reef fish home. Although I feel that our family isn't complete yet I'm happy with it for now. You never know when The Lord will give you another child. But I honestly feel it will be this summer haha 

A traveler!! I love to travel! I don't know if I'm the only one but before I leave my house I have to have everything cleaned and put away. Even if its just overnight. If I don't I dread coming back to a dirty house and having to unpack and clean all at once. Yuck. 

So that is me in a nutshell. I am pretty nutty but I love my life and the people I share it with. 

I am very selective with the people I associate with. I will give you a chance but only for so long.

Life isn't about letting people walk all over you. It's about loving one another and helping each other out and doing good for Our Lord. 

Gotta PEE!!!

That is what my son is saying to get me to go and "rescue" him from his room.

He just went to the bathroom, washed his hands and so on before his night time diaper was put on. 

It's five of eleven.

This has become a daily event in our home. I know it's because he's two and a half and he's trying to control his environment the only way he knows how....

Screaming anything that may let him out of his room for a few more minutes, even a second would be awesome in his mind. 

This only happens when he is extremely tired. And considering that we laid him down at 8:30 rather than the usual 9pm; this is quite weird even for him.

Oh toddlerhood, why are you so darn mean to me!!?!?!?!

Other news, anthropology hates me. I had the beloved 4.0 gpa up until this point and now I will be lucky if I get over a 3.5. Dang it! I've got to kick it up a notch! 

I really don't like anthro. I understand the purpose of the class, realizing that our little box of a world that we live in here in the US is not the only world. Every thing we do, effects someone else. No matter who or where they are, they can be effected. 

Being the smart butt that I am, I thought I would look up anthropology videos on youtube. 

I was so sick by what I saw that I couldn't finish the video. It had nothing to do about the people in the video, it had to do with what was happening to those poor people who just wanted to live their simple lives. I actually envy them. Find foods that you are used to, build homes, and protect yourself from invaders. I know it's not that simple, but to them it is. Family and friends are family and are treated as such. 

So I have a paper due tomorrow on a tribe and I haven't even started it. Yup. Instead of doing my homework all weekend I took a much needed break from everything and immersed myself into the world of sims. I needed it and I actually feel much more relaxed now. There is something about building a house from the ground up and decorating it the way you please that makes me happy. I guess it's my inner architect in there someplace. 

(ADD moment) All throughout high school I wanted to go to school for architectural design. I loved every aspect of designing homes and beautiful buildings for people. Laying the foundation, creating a home for someone who really wanted to create their own home from scratch and really make it THEIRS. 

I gave up on that dream, well more like the Lord told me to give up and told me I had something bigger to do. 

It's funny how you can dream of one thing and then your life changes course. I find it like depending on the wind to control a boat that is set on semi auto pilot. 

You can only go as far as the wind will allow and you have to trust that the wind will bring you to the right destination. Prayerfully keeping your heart and mind open and dependent on the one and only one above. 

Is optometry right for me?

Sometimes I feel that I'm setting the bar too low. 

Should I be going for something that will not only challenge me but pay really well? 

I love optometry. The human eye fascinates me and has a grip on me when I start searching online for information. I'm not even finished with my bachelors degree and I'm gazing to the future!

With all of my classes lined up back to back for the next three-ish years I wonder if I will ever want to go another four years to go for my doctorate. 

I want it but is that really a good enough reason to spend the money and time away from my little family? 

When I finish my undergrad I will be 30ish my son will be turning six and I will have been married for eight years and most likely I will have another child. 

I like planning for the future but I have our Lord Jesus guiding the way and he can see so much clearer up there. 

Shopping list for WHAT?!?!?!

So I've been stuck in a rut.
I was going to the gym and eating really clean and healthy and then I stopped. I haven't gained any weight but I have lost muscle, LOTS of the very beautiful muscle that was working so hard for!

So now I've been looking for a way to clean all the garbage out of my body. Our family has started implementing organic and all natural foods into our eating habits.
Okay so Jerm and I have. DH has been sneaking cokes behind my back, which I find disgusting. Ever since he stopped drinking soda he hasn't had any issues with his teeth. I foresee a very angry husband who needs more dental work in the near future.

Anyways. So I've been looking up cleanses. I found one that was 24 hours and you only drank some type of tea, that sounded too much like my experience with golytely... ick.
Then there where the more extreme cleanses were you fast for almost a full month and eat a very strict diet and take pills, and drink teas and so on. That was something I was willing to do except I knew that you didn't need a FULL month to cleanse your body. You can do a base cleanse and then eat healthy from then on and your body will not be harmed.

Sooooo... I found Dr. Oz 48 Hour Cleanse. I looked up the different ingredients and researched to make sure that I wasn't doing this for nothing. When researching I remembered that I did a cleanse close to this when I was in high school. Did it work then? Yes, but I did it for far too long thinking that I would be able to lose weight quicker. Stupid teenage me. Thankfully I realized halfway through the month that I wasn't helping my body and just started to eat clean.
This cleanse though looks legit and with the different foods that actually help clean out the body naturally working together in unison, I am actually quite happy to try it! I will be gathering all my things and doing this either this week or this weekend. I can't decide if having my husband home will make it harder to do or easier hahaha